This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Greetings with words are no longer adequate. Curtsy from now on.
TAURUS
Arrhythmia is no joke. A tilapia, however, is a fish.
GEMINI
Young and restless? Tired of being yourself? Try being an egg.
CANCER
If Oliver Kahn's ears were nothing special, does that make Oliver Wood a sad Keeper?
LEO
Sitting by the window looking at the moon, I produced a noise and a smell.
VIRGO
Algebra is like petty drama, you think you left it back at school but it keeps following you around.
LIBRA
Letters like W and Y don't get the credit they deserve.
SCORPIO
Low blood pressure is way cooler than high blood pressure.
SAGITTARIUS
On the subject of bottoms, we are all divided.
CAPRICORN
Would you rather have three of something you should have two of, or have none at all?
AQUARIUS
Equilibrium will soon be achieved in the universe, but do we want it?
PISCES
Deep inside the Amazon, there are places as bright as your future.
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