This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Limping men are likely to have been hurt, unless they're method actors.



TAURUS

OTG cables are the backdoor to humanity.



GEMINI

Oops! I said it again. I made you believe, that your troubles will end.



CANCER

Korean unification will never happen, unless...



LEO

So, so you think you know fail? Gareth from Bale?



VIRGO

Libras don't know the difference between yes and no.



LIBRA

No, I agree.



SCORPIO

Knowledge is the bridge between something and nothing.



SAGITTARIUS

E is a letter, a vowel, and a meme. What more could you want?



CAPRICORN

Lopsided glasses, broken dreams; tonight the rain will fall dry.



AQUARIUS

Slow progress is not good, unless you are a turtle. You have no options.



PISCES

Doctor! I need some life.