Dial Back on the Positivity

Turns out, 24/7 good vibes aren't so great after all.

In an internet-driven world where you can get lost in the sea of new words, references and "cancel culture", it is easy to rule yourself out as an unproblematic individual. To be honest, social media is exhausting and a good option is to just avoid everything that is going wrong with the world. Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes. One might try to give their mental health a break by distancing themselves from negative situations and surrounding themselves with positivity, which is always a great way to relieve stress.

So, if positivity is a good thing, why does a term like "toxic positivity" exist?

Imagine a scenario where you are confiding in your friend about your depression, about how it is decreasing your productivity or some other similar situation about which it is not easy to open up, and your friend's immediate response is, "Stop being so sad. You have it better than most people. Others are suffering way more than you but they are not complaining about it. You should appreciate what you have and count your blessings."

While that might be a true statement, a factual declaration actually causes more harm than good. This is an example of toxic positivity, which can make people feel a certain pressure to be happy and push their sorrows deep down within themselves.

One can also impose this on themselves. For example, a lot of people might try to deal with grief by burying it down, rather than deal with it. They might avoid facing their own realities because of societal pressure, self-conflict and a desire to not seem vulnerable in front of anybody. It is often as simple as trying too hard to set a "happy" image of yourself, to be known as the jolly person and trying too hard to present a version of yourself that is inauthentic.

Some examples of toxic positivity include saying things such as "Everything happens for a reason", "Just focus on the bright side", "Try to forget what happened" and many more. These are all variations of different words but have the same effect on a person – it isolates them with their thoughts, makes them feel guilty for feeling sad, and essentially deters them from opening up to anyone again.

Not only does toxic positivity facilitate isolation, create communication issues and make someone feel worse about their own feelings, it can also backfire in incomprehensible ways. Constantly assuring someone that everything is okay and there is nothing wrong with their current situation, might give that person a false sense of security, which might worsen the state of their mental health in the long run due to lack of treatment. Additionally, it might enable a person to continue to stay in toxic and abusive relationships where the person has a great chance of being severely harmed.

It is important to realise that experiencing negative emotions, while unpleasant, is a part of being human. Stifling them only creates more harm to the mental state. As humans, it is very natural to not always be perfect. We are all guilty of imposing toxic positivity to ourselves or to others, at some point or another. Instead of having a positive response to every problem, it is better to learn how to be a better listener and let someone be free with their feelings.      

Durdana Kamal likes to engage in activities which mostly do not serve any purpose whatsoever. Contact me through kamal.durdana@gmail.com