Doofenshmirtz Gadgets for Bangladesh

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Phineas and Ferb were real? If you could actually have 104 days of summer vacation and the only problem for your generation was to find a good way to spend it. It sounds too good to be true, but having an evil genius like Doofenshmirtz in our lives sure would be interesting.

Here is a taste of what our world might look like if Doofenshmirtz were real and he used daily livelihood in Bangladesh as his inspiration for his inventions.

Grade Shock Absorbinator

This device absorbs the shock that you get once your grades are published. You can set the device from “A+” to “F”. Once the device is set to the shock level for the grades you have received, all you have to do is point it at yourself to absorb the shock.

*Warning: Do not try this with university entrance exams. This device is not equipped to deal with a shock of this level.

Period cramp annihilatinator

This device eliminates period cramps. You can adjust your level of pain in the device. The scale ranges from “1” to “words can’t describe it”. All you have to do is select your pain level and point the device at yourself. And unlike most devices made for women, this does not have a pink tax on it.

Bhabi janen eliminatinator

This device was inspired by the years of humiliation and embarrassment that aunties have inflicted on us while they judged and gossiped about our poor grades or complained about why we still didn’t get married yet. It is very easy to use. Anytime you see a gang of aunties approaching you, bring out the device and it will first scan them and detect all of their numerous disapprovals about you and then eliminate them for a good few hours so that you may escape.

*Warning: Effects are not permanent, as an aunty never truly forgets.

Metro rail speedinator

If you live in Dhaka, it’s likely that the metro rail has caused you a lot of grief, trapping you in hours of traffic. Unless of course, you have the Metro rail speed-inator. All you have to do is point the device at the construction site and it will speed up the construction and you’ll finally be able to enjoy the metro rail experience without having to wait for another 300 years**.

**Terms and conditions apply.

Aedes annihilatinatoR

This is a special device that scans for any and all mosquitoes within a 20 feet radius and immediately sends out magnetic wave that kills all Aedes mosquitoes within the perimeter. It is truly a lifesaver.

Ride affordableinator

This device is the best invention of Bangladeshi Doofenshmirtz as of now. All you have to do is wave this over your phone screen after taking your ridesharing vehicle, and it will magically turn your fare into an amount that is affordable for you.

Impulsive shopping preventinator

The impulsive shopping preventinator is device that is shaped like a watch, and must be worn at all times by a shopaholic. It gives you an electric shock every time you feel the impulse to start shopping irresponsibly.

Parental scolding muteinator

This particular device comes in the form of a very small chip that you have to keep on you at all times. The chip gets automatically activated whenever it detects a parent screaming at you. The chip blocks out the angry screams containing words like ‘disappointment’, ‘failure’ and ‘your cousin did so much better’, making everything feel like a Charlie Chaplin movie.

Make me visibleinator

The make me visibleinator is designed for people who are invisible to their crush. There is an adjustment scale that ranges from “Invisible” to “fairness cream model visible”. You can select your preferred level of visibility and then all you have to do is point the device at them, preferably from a distance, and you will become visible to them.

Megha Rahman wastes her time binge-watching anything and everything she finds. You can reach her at megharahman26@gmail.com