If we are to keep up with recent health trends, achieve that near-mythical glass skin and not get a pounding headache by the end of the day – we must stay hydrated.

If you observe the health nerds and beauty gurus on social media, you will notice that hydration is the solution to all your problems. But here is the most tragic failure of my life – I cannot seem to stay hydrated. And I know I am not the only one. The apps, alarms, overpriced sippy cups, persistent friends who slide into your DMs only to remind you to drink water are all for nought. All it takes is a prickly blob with attitude issues to get your act together. It is hard to believe, I know. But you have not met Lemon yet.

Let me introduce you to Lemon, my pet cactus who single-handedly solved all my problems by teaching me how to stay hydrated. You never know what might end up inspiring you to make a spontaneous move that ends up changing your life. It can be anything from a lemon flavoured air freshener to lime green toothpaste. Now that I look back, I cannot quite remember which one of these mundane things made me think that to have a young adult life that is sufficiently charming, I must find myself a pet cactus named Lemon. And when my eyes landed on a lime green cactus last summer, I had no idea that this tiny blob of a being has the answer to my ever-lingering hydration issues.

After the initial excitement of having a new pet started to fade, I noticed with no small sense of annoyance that Lemon looked smug, almost gloating whenever I watered him. But this was only the beginning. Every time I failed to get my eight glasses per day, Lemon started mocking me, showing off his hydration capabilities. Because while drinking water once a week is enough for him, I have to guzzle down an entire tank full of water every day to get by. Even without the existence of a raised eyebrow on his blob of a head, the smugness in his attitude was all too visible.

Eventually, I decided to free myself from the scrutiny of a tiny cactus of all things by practising the art of hydration. Yes, I was indeed mocked into submission. But that is beside the point because this is when I finally realised Lemon's true intentions. He was challenging me to stay hydrated by taunting me! Because of Lemon, today I can proudly say that I am a woman free from the clutches of dehydration.

So, what are you waiting for? Get yourself a cactus and solve your drinking (not enough water) problem once and for all! Conquer your headaches and let that healthy glow of your skin burn the haters down. As a parting gift, here is a word of wisdom: do not let a prickly blob get the best of you.   

Tazreen is trying to outwit her judgemental cactus, Lemon, in the game of hydration. Tell her she is delusional at tazreenzahan@gmail.com