How to dodge marriage proposals

Design: Kazi Akib Bin Asad

Are you uninterested in getting married? Are you scared that the proposals will make their way to you anyway? Then have no fear, the instructions are here. Take a read and learn secrets that will make you desirably undesirable.

Tell them you’re not of age

Even if you are, just tell them you’re not old enough. Tell them marriage is for adults and you’re not one. Talk a lot about the law. Talk about history, specifically of marriages that never worked out or got the spouses beheaded. Speak of terror with excitement as if to enlighten. Intimidation is key here. The moment they feel like you know too much, they will take it as impertinence and that can be associated with precocious youth!

Establish yourself as a rebel

Of sorts. Your relatives, and quite possibly even your family, are trying to force marriage upon you. However, they won’t give out their child without resolving their attitude problems. They’re going to try to “tame” you, obviously. You can show signs of “taming” to ensure their procedures never become extreme, before going back to your old self. This will throw them off and they will be left wondering how to deal with you. Reversion will only trigger apprehension, and that will lead them to confusion.

Don’t dress for weddings

And if you do, make sure you eat a lot. If you can’t eat a lot, speak loudly and make sure it is followed by excessive, louder laughter. Talk about how weddings are stupid and you just want the food. Judge the hell out of aunties who want you to be wed off and make sure they get wind of it. You should seem almost alien in the land of other beautiful, eligible youngsters with ruddy faces due to the endless matrimonial possibilities. If you are somehow introduced to a potential candidate in whom you are certain you see no potential, just let them know. If they’re respectful, they’ll understand. If not, you can always tell your parents that their beloved relative brought you to a disadvantageous proposal.

Get a new hairstyle

Now, this is an extreme sport. If you’re a guy, try growing your hair out. You could also get it dyed! You will be cast aside as an indecent boy who has a very unappetising sense of style. If you’re a girl, just cutting your hair short should do. The longer your hair is, the more eligible you are for marriage in the eyes of your neighbours and relatives. Cut your hair short, get an undercut. Heck, get bald! Escaping unsolicited proposals should bring some fun on the plate.

Talk clear and loud about what you want

This is different from the previous suggestions because they all allow you to just beat around the bush somehow. Here, you will have to speak about what you want from life and what kind of a future you see for yourself. When you lay out a vision, people will not feel as eager to proposition you of what they deem to be the key to eternal bliss for any person. Yes, most elders will not agree when you tell them that not everyone wants the same things in life. However, it has to be brought to their attention for everyone’s betterment, especially your own.

Enthusiastic and unabashed execution is necessary for satisfactory results. Thus, no authority can bear responsibility in case one fails to resist their impending doom.