Looking for a YA Protagonist
BooKaren: Good morning! I'll be interviewing you today for the role of the protagonist in our upcoming young adult book. Please take a seat.
OtherGirl: Thanks! However, just to clarify, I'm NOT like other girls.
BooKaren: Perfect. Now, to start off, we're looking for a high schooler who's an outcast amidst peers and can be singled out as the weird kid. How can you contribute to those criteria?
OtherGirl: In most cases, I like being unnecessarily mean with people, because it makes me look "savage" and strong headed. Also, I strongly believe that no other person my age can relate to the things I do, as in watching art films and listening to niche indie bands. Couple these up with a lousy backstory as an excuse for my behaviour, and boom! I'll be the face of your new bestseller.
BooKaren: Mmhmm, okay. I think you'll make a wonderful one-dimensionalManic Pixie Dream Girl in that case. Mr. John Green would love to collaborate with you!
OtherGirl: That'll be really nice. However, I'm really interested in playing a part in the YA Dystopian genre. Are there any openings right now?
BooKaren: It all comes down to your consent to being part of a supposed love triangle that contributes nothing to the plot, and only prolongs it.
OtherGirl: Of course! I'm in as long as one of the other two is a childhood best friend who's a sensible, sweet person and another is an idiot, which is okay because they're pretty and popular.
BooKaren: Let's see, we'll also need to choose a proper sidekick for you. Would you be okay with it if we choose someone who only ever acts as a prop to your vapid personality and has no character arc to themselves at all?
OtherGirl: Absolutely. The more their lack of character development shifts the limelight to me, the better. It doesn't really matter if the readers think they should've been the protagonist instead, what with all their unexplored potential.
BooKaren: Great! Now, do you think you can cope with being the Chosen One if we decide to feature you in a YA fantasy fandom? It's not like you'll have to struggle to be on a pedestal. We'll make sure to shape your destiny way before you're even born.
OtherGirl: If all other characters can constantly keep cleaning up after the mess I make every time I make a questionable decision without asking for anyone else's opinion, I totally can.
BooKaren: Now, the most important part. No matter how trivial it might be, it's compulsory that you give us full permission to profit off of romanticising your mental health issues — if you have any.
OtherGirl: Uh…
BooKaren: Look, it's absolutely necessary that we glamourise such serious issues in a way that always gives off the wrong message to our target demographic. What's more, we can even assign you an aesthetic based on that!
OtherGirl: No… I think that'll be crossing a line.
BooKaren: Oh.
OtherGirl: I think it'll be far better if we just—BooKaren: Get out.
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