Man who has never entered kitchen complains about food on Eid

Local procrastinator and home-based food critic Gordov Ramsey got a standing ovation from his family members after he broke gender stereotypes and helped his wife cook by harshly criticising all the dishes she had prepared. Although the ovation was done to mock him, Mr Gordov accepted it with pride and called his crude gesture "The Gift of Criticism".

Mr Gordov was seen sitting outside the kitchen and bashing his wife by saying how her hours of effort in the kitchen in this scorching heat just couldn't live up to his outrageous expectations as a Bangladeshi male.

"Sure, I haven't entered the kitchen at any point my entire life. My male ego doesn't allow me to even get up and drink a glass of water on my own. I feel the need to scream at top of my lungs from my room and ask others to bring me things I should be able to fetch on my own," said Mr Gordov.

"But that doesn't discredit my worth as a critic. My father was the greatest food critic in his village and he didn't have any taste buds left owing to all the betel leaf he'd to chew. Yet, he was so adamant about being arrogant that he'd go to others' households on Eid day and criticise the food they had prepared as well," he said with pride.

"In fact, my signature reaction – 'The disappointed sigh' was inspired by my father's reaction to my mother's desperate efforts to make him happy. Growing up, if there's one thing my father has taught me, if anything at all, it's to always belittle your wife by comparing her cooking skills with your own mother's and making her feel like she isn't good enough. They say every girl wants a resemblance of their father in their husband. Well, I made sure I treat my wife the same miserable way her father did!"

Mr Gordov later claimed that it was unfair of anyone to accuse of him not doing anything on Eid day.

"I bring in the shemai, pulao, chicken, beef, and all the other raw materials needed for the grand feast on Eid day," he said.

"Growing up, I used to believe that food items would just magically cook themselves overnight if you kept them in the kitchen long enough. However, I was shocked to learn that someone actually needs to stay up late and make sure the rest of the family members can enjoy delicious meals on Eid. I had two options then – I could either help my wife in the kitchen or I could at least appreciate her efforts and make her feel validated. I went out of the box and chose the third option. Being a true Bangladeshi male and not doing anything about her hardship."

Gordov's wife spoke of her tragedy, "Gordov treats me the same way I treat my children when it comes to academics: whatever they do, it'll never be enough. I've given up on trying to impress him years back. He's so good at sitting back and criticising things he holds no expertise in that we have advised him to be a professional food vlogger. If you're going to critic food with that questionable taste bud of yours, at least make some money out of it."

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