Is this a rant, or are you trauma dumping?

One of the best indicators of how close two people are is their willingness to share their worries with each other. But have you ever been forced to listen to someone else ranting about their problems against your will?

When someone needs to vent, their first instinct is to turn to a person they trust, or someone whose advice they value. Most of the time, however, they do not think whether the other person is able to help or not, and go for it without asking beforehand.

This is known as "trauma dumping", because they are dumping their trauma on someone else without considering how it may impact them. The distinguishing factor between trauma dumping and regular venting is that the former involves a listener who may not have consented to it, which puts them in a highly uncomfortable position.

The person venting might feel the need to let their thoughts out, lest they fester and become worse. The problem arises when they end up oversharing to someone dealing with their own troubles. This can lead to the listener feeling as though their own feelings are not being considered.

Additionally, the advice given by the distracted listener, or lack thereof, paints them as being rude or uncaring, even if that was not their intention. If this continues, the listener may feel like they are simply a vessel for others' venting and not a person with their own feelings.\

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However, both sides of trauma dumping must be considered. The one who is venting may not be in a good headspace, and asking for permission may have slipped their mind. Some people do have narcissistic tendencies, but it is usually just an honest mistake.

At the same time, the person who is listening may force themselves as it might feel rude to deny someone the opportunity to speak when they are not doing well. But constantly trying to lend an ear without prioritising your own boundaries keeps enabling this behaviour.

Trauma dumping is usually caused by a lack of transparency of these complex feelings. This is why it is more common between people who are not very close. Furthermore, it is hard to cultivate a relationship in the first place if it is so one-sided. Close friends can also become victims of this and then not stay close anymore, as trauma dumping puts strain on the relationship.

At the end of the day, an integral part of friendship is helping each other through their problems. However, that should not be practiced at the expense of your own feelings. The next time you want to rant, or listen to your friend, make sure to communicate your feelings and be considerate of each other's situations to avoid falling into this trap.

Namreen is sick and tired. Send a reminder that life goes on at namreen.shaiyaz@gmail.com