Scientists still can’t find source of cold air inside blanket

As freezing waves of cold air across Dhaka continues to defame it as a poor man's Siberia, inhabitants are trying to find solace by wrapping themselves up with heavy blankets like leftover shawarma. However, reports suggest that despite cautious movements, cold air continues to find a way inside the blankets to torment its victims. 

A team of scientists has been appointed by the KRD (Kombol Research Development) to locate the source of cold air inside the blanket and find a way to neutralise it.

Dr Mosaic Bari, the chief researcher of KRD, talked about their progress thus far, "Chilling air seems to pierce through the tiger-printed heavy blankets found in every Bangladeshi household, no matter how thick the insulation is. We've teamed up with SpaceEx and travelled to space to conduct the experiments in complete vacuum. Even in space where there's no air at all, as soon as a blanket is put on the subjects, cold air somehow finds a way in. We've coined a new term for this phenomenon: "Quantum Batash". This particular quantum cold air exists only when a blanket is put on but whenever the blanket is removed for observation, the air magically disappears."  

 "If we can find out the source of this Quantum Batash paradox, we can then harness its power to solve global warming," Dr Bari sounded hopeful. "This air is colder than a Bengali parent's response when they find out about their child's relationship. Once utilised properly, it can be used to decrease the average temperature of the earth and save the planet. Now, we just need to figure it out before Elon Musk finds a way to capitalise on it."  

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A snowy day in Dhaka

However, as scientists try to find the source of air and figure out a method to eliminate it, quantum batash continues to terrorise its victims across the capital.

"At first, it was just a small gust of air," said Rupban Zaberi, a resident of Dhaka South, "I thought I'd left some small gap in the blanket so I carefully filled up all the gaps and tucked myself in. But cold air kept finding its way in. Then, I put a blanket on the bedsheet, put another blanket on top of it and stitched them together. Then I tucked myself in between the blankets like a baby kangaroo inside its mother pouch and sealed myself in. Yet, air crept its way into my icy feet. The last time something slithered into my territory and gave me the chills this bad, it was a celebrity sliding into my DMs. I spent the entire night trying to find the sweet spot where not a single molecule of air would be able to enter the vicinity of my blanket."

Rupban is now suffering from PKSD (Post-Kombol Stress Disorder) and is too scared to sleep at night. Despite struggling to tolerate Dhaka's chilly waves, Rupban plans to pursue higher education in Canada. As thousands of homeless people spend sleepless nights in the cold footpaths of this urban mess, Rupban Zaberi continues to whine on social media about Dhaka's winter, proving once and for all – Dhaka might not have snowfall anytime soon, but it does have its fair share of snowflakes. 

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com