Which IPL cricketer are you?

PHOTO: MUSTAFIZUR RAHMAN/TWITTER

While everyone is busy with UEFA Champions League hype as it draws to a close, cricket fans have their own Indian Premier League (IPL) to be excited about. Featuring some of the best players in international and domestic cricket, the games are always exciting and a good way to spend your evenings.

At the end of the day, however, these sportsmen are people just like you and I. Don't believe me? Look through the following list, I'm sure you'll find a bit of yourself in at least one of these IPL cricketers.

HAPPY HEART BUT HITS HARD

You're an absolute sweetheart. Too bad most people wouldn't know, since you seem to intimidate people even before you've interacted with them. Maybe it's the scowl on your face, or that chiselled torso. No one seems to realise that those aren't reflective of your true self. You were born with the angry expression glued on, forever unable to make pleasant expressions. The secret behind your magnificent pecs is a daily cup of herbal tea, but people keep assuming you spend your days at the gym. You've never quarrelled with anyone, and always greet people with a big-toothed grin. Always feared but never loved, you would dearly love to change that. Hang in there, big guy.

CARDI O

You're that one guy who's always bragging about your gym hours. Emphasis on “always”, since hardly a day goes by that you don't humble-brag about the hours you've put into the gym. Cardio's your favourite, in case the 100-yard dash you make after taking a wicket isn't enough of an indicator.

SANDSMITH

Oh wait, that's right. You're not in the IPL. Why would you be, when you're so incompetent. Possessing all the talent in the world, you see fit to waste it on sandpaper. You must also get caught while trying to cheat in exams. Every time you mess up, the people close to you get that much more hurt. Do the right thing and come back to the path of light. Do NOT waste your infinite potential, and porte bosho.

# 1 IN ALL FORMATS

It isn't easy being the overachiever in the family, but you make it work. Years of being the face of the family does that to you. As proud and honoured you are at being able to serve, inside you have regrets. People start to take you for granted. Let's not forget how you don't get the MOTM award even with match-winning figures. Over time this takes a toll, as your emotional state starts to influence your performance. Resigned as you are to the way of things, sometimes you still find enough inspiration to put in a strong performance. When you are smashing sixes and picking up wickets, you feel alive. You relive the glory days, just for a second.

ALWAYS A N G E R Y

As a kid you read somewhere that combative people are more respected. Ever since then you've tried to always portray the worst version of yourself. In an age when most people try to put their best foot forward, your foot ends up down someone's throat. Being rude has served you well, however. You've risen through the ranks and made a name for yourself. At what cost, though? You ask yourself that question in front of the mirror every night. The mirror doesn't have the answers; no one does. Are you a good person at heart, or have the years of acting like a menace seeped through? Hitting hundreds and breaking record after record provides sufficient distraction from such burning questions. Maybe that is why the only place you feel comfortable is in the middle of the cricket pitch.

CAPTAIN COOL

People say you're the Terminator, because no one can remember the last time you showed any emotions. This is how it has been for a while now. You've been dead inside for ages, but somehow you still show up to the games and hit the sixes as required. Life has been going on autopilot for a while and you're looking for something – anything – to break the deadlock. Maybe the next game will make you fall in love with life all over again. Got to keep on hoping, at least.

EVERYBODY LOVES A “FIZZY” DRINK

Most of the time you have no idea what is going on, at all. It's almost like the people around you are speaking a completely different language. It hurts to be excluded from the cool friend circles, and miss all the hangouts because no one want the kid who isn't in the clique to be there. Even then, this doesn't get you down. You love every second with these people, excluded though you may be. They're the closest thing to a family you have, and even though you aren't on the same wavelength you still feel some sort of bond to them. That much is apparent, every time you take a wicket and you're the centre of the group hug.

Tag yourselves. I'm the last one.