Third wheeling tips

Of all the sacrifices we make for the people we care about, third wheeling must be the most taxing. Regardless of how much you care for the happy couple, being the odd one out for hours on end isn't the ideal definition of fun. If you are one of those selfless martyrs who sacrifice themselves for the sake of love, consider trying out a few of the strategies mentioned below to make the experience a bit more bearable.

BRING A DISTRACTION

When third wheeling, your presence will become redundant very quickly. After some small talk is made involving the whole group, you will be subtly ushered out of the conversation. This is when the two lovebirds will go off on a tangent and talk about couple stuff (like getting matching socks or seizing the means of production).

To deal with being left out, I always bring a distraction with me. In my case it happens to be a book, which is why I've been able to make a sizeable dent in my reading list. You can use whatever you want, as long as it's not your phone. That might tempt the happy couple to ask for a #candid or new profile pictures in each other's arms. And here we thought only DSLR's had it rough.

EARPHONES ARE SALVATION

Although earphones could be categorised as a form of distraction, they serve a dual purpose. Besides passing the time, they'll also allow you to retain your sanity.

Lovebirds have a tendency of whispering sweet nothings to one another. Oh did I say whispering? I'm sorry, I meant saying very audibly. Listening in on such conversations is almost as cringey as watching a YouTuber apology video. Therefore, the best thing to do would be to plug in your earphones and turn your volume up. Heavy metal should serve your purpose very well, in case you were wondering.

FRIEND IN NEED

You've probably guessed what I'm about to suggest, which is to bring one of your friends to assist in the third wheeling. This will turn your mismatched tricycle into a reliable Toyota Corolla.

As we've already established by now, your good friends, the couple, will be too lost in each other's eyes to care much about the new addition. How one can find plain black irises so interesting I will never understand. By having a friend by your side, you can pass the time discussing important topics like the upcoming Arctic Monkeys album, or why seizing the means of production is a controversial idea.

BEATING THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME

This one is an experimental tactic, but it should be very effective if executed correctly. All you need to do is to show up for your third wheeling duties with a date of your own. If it works out well, you've found companions for future double dates. If not, you'll be relieved of further third wheeling duties, so it's not all bad.

I haven't been able to try this out yet (this is the part where you feel sorry for me), but doesn't it sound like a pretty good idea?

With a heart of ash and a PC of potato, Wasique Hasan could use some help. Send memes to cheer him up at facebook.com/hasique.wasan