Mr. Forest, Environment, Minerals and Energy

The Forest Minister at a recent event declared that the tigers could not be kept alive forever. This possibly had nothing to do with him possibly “still having feelings” for his former post as an Energy Minister. That was decades ago and surely our Forest Minister had moved on. His words, while harsh, were only meant to deliver the facts. The fact is that the tigers' days are numbered. If the Power Plant doesn't materalise, there is a 90 percent chance of a fire consuming the land dry. Coincidentally, and most certainly it is only a coincidence, the wrath of the government generally always results in an outbreak of an uncontrollable fire, whether there are six rehabilitation programmes or not. 

Fortunately, while a slum may not be sexy enough, aid wise, tigers are. Our Minister himself admitted so last year when he said that while he doesn't care about the actual number of tigers alive, he did write down 440 Tigers on a piece of paper, with the factually inaccurate number going towards helping him net a lot of money from tree-hugging tiger lovers. The Forest AND ENVIRONMENT Minister (yes, he runs both), also said that the entire nature-protecting nonsense was merely a money-grab he could do without. 

However, our highly gifted Forest Minister discovered a way to ensure that the tigers manage not only to survive but also thrive. In 2015, our 110 percent knowledgeable minister, educated on the rigours of geography, mathematics, physics and international relations, made a discovery that the dwindling number of tigers wasn't the result of any nefarious circumstance; the tigers had simply gone to India to enjoy a little tour. The Tigers, much like us human, would never dare go to our neighbour's side of the forest without good reason; after all they aren't women and thus have to wait for the e-token or whatever. In testament to his Sherlock-like observation prowess, the minister discovered that our tigers hadn't just gone for a tour but it was rather a honeymoon. “Yes, they have come back, and they are also giving birth to cubs after the tour,” he gleefully announced in 2016, without giving away too much information. 

This demonstrates that our Forest Minister, contrary to widespread belief, really knows what he is doing. With his background in diplomacy, he is certainly the right man to strike a deal with Big Brother to allow our tigers visa-free access to their side of the forests. In fact, if a Power Plant does destroy the Sundarbans, which it will never as our Minister believes, he is the right man to negotiate a safe passage a refugee status for our tigers. Given his penchant for geography, the other side may not be the only place our Minister manages to arrange. If you really think about, there really is no one else to take charge but the Mr. Forest and Energy himself. 

If you are still on the hate train, then this should be your stop. Mr. Forest, Environment, Minerals and Energy knows what he is doing and he is not going to spell it out for you; his ministry, his rules.