Thrivers are made, not born. In her quest to help marginalised children flourish, an educational psychologist learned of seven different ways by which kids can be moulded to thrive and succeed in their lives. Among them, self confidence and empathy reign supreme.

Self Confidence

Not to be confused with self-esteem, children who attribute their triumphs and failures to their own hard work are generally more successful than those who feel that they have no control over the outcomes of their efforts. Jumping in to rescue kids at the slightest obstacle, without allowing them to work it out on their own can make them feel incompetent. Alternatively, true self-confidence comes from letting children take responsibility for their own work, face problems, figure out solutions and generally bounce back on their own.

Empathy

In order to feel empathetic, children need to understand what others are feeling (affective empathy), know how to act with compassion (behavioural empathy) and step into another's shoes to feel what they are feeling (cognitive empathy). Parents must label emotions correctly to give children a proper emotional vocabulary to draw from, ask them questions to make them understand the emotion they are feeling, be a safe space to share feelings, and teach them how to read simple emotions from peoples' faces.

Self-Control

There is a strong correlation between success and the ability to control one's attention, emotions, thoughts, actions and desires. It is one of the best ways to teach children to bounce back from failures and thrive. Verbal cues often help children snap back into action, and practicing such cues can allow them to hold on to their focus for longer. Practicing stress pauses such as counting to 10 before reacting can also help children regulate their responses better.

Integrity

Integrity is nothing but a set of learned beliefs and attitudes that create a moral compass for children, and help them distinguish between right and wrong. It is important that parents lay out their expectations clearly, but it is equally important to allow kids the space to create their own morals, even if they are different from their parents'. Praising ethical behaviour goes a long way to motivate children and help them repeat good behaviour.

Curiosity

Long associated with a higher IQ, curiosity keeps children willing to learn, and more confidently explore new, uncertain or challenging events. Build curiosity with open-ended toys and games, and creative material such as paints or Lego. Parents can also model curiosity by asking questions starting with "I wonder..."

Perseverance

Perseverance is the one attribute that helps keep children motivated when it seems so much easier to give up. Mistakes can often discourage children but parents can encourage them to identify their mistakes instead of making failures feel like a catastrophe. Parents can also show children techniques such as blocking small chunks of time off for bigger tasks so that kids do not feel overwhelmed or run away from them.

Optimism

Optimism can help children view roadblocks and challenges as temporary, not allowing these to pull them down easily. As children learn best through imitation, it is important for parents to emulate positivity to them and make it common narrative at home.