Ah, modern dating—a ritual so complex that even AI dares not spit out anything decisive for fear of cancellation. Here we are, in 21st-century, landing back on the moon and still stuck on the question: "Should men always pay the bill on dates?"

To those ardent defenders of chivalry, I say, "Hold my wallet!" Or better yet, "Hold your own wallet!"

Swipe right for equality, swipe left for the bill?

We've all come far—sliding into DMs, swiping right or left, ghosting, and whatnot. We've all but dumped Shakespearean romance in favour of relationship algorithms. Yet, when the bill comes, it's as if the clock has struck midnight, and we're back in a century where gender equality was a mere fairy-tale. Swipe right for gender equality, but swipe left when the bill comes? Oh, the irony!

What happened to going Dutch?

For heaven's sake, we've put rovers on Mars, and developed vaccines in record time, and yet, splitting the bill is the unsolvable equation. I mean, why isn't going Dutch the default? If both parties are earning, it's only fair to share the financial "burden" of a latte and a shared platter of deep-fried regret.

Issues or convenient issues?

Listen, if a man paying for your meals is the sole criteria for dating, it might be time to switch from Tinder to some estate-planning websites. There's nothing against age-gap love, but let's not make "must pay for my Caesar salad" a relationship cornerstone.

Welcome to the 50/50 zone

As someone who's prone to procrastination and binge-watching conspiracy documentaries, even I see the logic in 50/50. We're already splitting Wi-Fi costs with roommates, sharing rides with strangers, and sharing Netflix accounts like modern communes. Why not extend that communal spirit to dating bills?

But, but, it's the thought that counts

Fine, I hear you! You say it's not about the money, but the gesture, the thoughtfulness, the "tradition." Well, tradition also involves various outdated concepts that need no attention. So, if tradition dictates dating norms, why not break tradition by letting women pick up the tab? A moment of enlightenment for gender roles, if you ask me.

Sensical conclusion

Like a subpar rom-com with a predictable ending, I'll say this: The person who initiates the date should be prepared to foot the bill, regardless of gender. And if the date evolves into grabbing a moonlit ice-cream or hopping to another spot, let the other person cover that. Fair is fair; love is love.

So, if you're still insistent that men should always pay, kindly hop in your time machine, and set the dial to the Moghul era. You'll find plenty of like-minded folks there, along with the absence of indoor plumbing. Choose wisely.

It's 2023, people. Let's put on our big human pants and step into a world where gender equality isn't just a hashtag, but a way of life. When that bill comes, look your date in the eye, and say with unabashed sincerity, "Let's get fiscal!"