Maria — when I knew her in her early twenties — was a demure, people pleaser with a sunny disposition. As the eldest of two siblings, she was preternaturally nurturing and caring. Pleasant and friendly enough, but she was an introvert by nature. Hardly the kind to stand up for herself. A plain Jane if you will. One would imagine her falling for the cute boys with dreamy eyes and pastel polos. But no! Had a knack for the bad ones, she did.
Her first was the black sheep of the class, with his open defiance of rules and devil-may-care attitude that got him in trouble with university authorities every other day. He was rude and brusque; there was a rumour he had a history of substance abuse and did a stint at rehab. Always dressed in black, he was moody and brooding with a scowl on his face.
Maria was fatally attracted to this "hunk" (her words, not mine!) who never seemed quite taken with her. Anyway, soon they became an item, much to our chagrin. Theirs was a match made anywhere but in heaven; having grown up on a steady diet of Mills & Boon novels, she imagined him to be her knight on a white horse. In reality, he rode a Dark Horse motorcycle with a death wish!
Their torrid affair soon turned toxic thanks to the usual expectations in a relationship that nearly stifled this wild boar of a guy, and Maria was left heartbroken following her paramour's sudden expulsion from university on account of a serious misdemeanour and their subsequent breakup.
A series of affairs ensued with similar delinquents that ended badly, as it does. What happened to her later I know not, but her deluded aspirations of a fairy-tale happily ever after with these dark knights sure taught us all that love, in all fairness, should not be blind at all!
Taylor Swift famously crooned she knew that "he was trouble when he walked in." And yet, she fell hard and fast for him, only to have her heart broken. Such a shame, no?
Relationship experts argue that most women, on a subconscious level, are acutely aware that such men will not be emotionally available and yet, they cannot resist the charm, or lack thereof.
Evolutionary biologists claim men displaying macho, hypermasculinity have higher testosterone levels, which heightens women's attraction towards them. It is essentially evolutionary, as the female brain has been hardwired since cave days to be drawn towards macho men who are capable of keeping her and her family safe from all kinds of predators and possible threats.
So, although women today may not need such visceral physical prowess of their partners to protect them, the attraction remains. While they are aware that these men will probably never become good husbands, perhaps it's the thrill and excitement of living life on the dangerous side that gets them going!
There's more here to it. In our culture, girls are conditioned from birth to be polite, quiet, submissive, and compliant — I could go on and on! Women are generally expected to keep their heads down, respectfully so, and keep their wants and desires repressed. And lo and behold! Along comes the dark knight brandishing his sword of defiance, and sweeping these demure girls off of their chained feet and suddenly, the taste of freedom is impossible to resist!
She sees in him her way to independence, her open ticket to the skies she has always wanted to touch. His sense of adventure and courage to live life on his terms is like a drug to her and she cannot get enough of him! So, while she knows at the back of her mind that they may not say "I do," the momentary joys of freedom are worth the eventual heartache.
Word to the wise: look before you leap! In a quest for adventure and freedom, one must be mindful of the long-term emotional, mental, and physical impact of such tempestuous liaisons. At the risk of sounding like an intrusive fountain of unsolicited advice — enter these dark waters at your own risk.
We are all for having fun and excitement in life, but weigh the pros and cons before deciding on such a volatile partner. One may argue that people change but honestly, who are we kidding?
Sabrina N Bhuiyan is a writer aspiring to elevate your thoughts with intellectually stimulating insights. She can be reached at sabrinanbhuiyan@gmail.com.
Views expressed in this article are the author's own.
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