Often termed emotional infidelity, the phenomenon occurs when an individual who is already in a committed relationship forms a deep emotional bond with someone outside it. While not necessarily sexual in nature, emotional affairs can be quite damaging to existing relationships.
A healthy bond is not just about physical compatibility but also about strong emotional connection. This often involves sharing one's deepest thoughts, fears, and aspirations exclusively with their partners. However, emotional infidelity occurs when one partner begins to give the same level of importance to someone outside of the relationship, rivalling or even surpassing the emotional intimacy of the primary relationship.
What differentiates this sort of closeness from a strong platonic bond is the fact that there is usually some unexplored sexual tension between this new pair that has the potential to blow up fairly quickly.
Signs of an emotional affair
There are often some telltale signs of an emotional affair and it is best to recognise these so that one is careful not to cross the line and hurt their partner.
Concealing interactions, messages, or the extent of the relationship with the third party is often the first step of an emotional affair in the making. If you have come to a point where you must delete messages with a third person so your partner does not feel hurt or uncomfortable, you are probably already in the thick of it.
Increased comfort in these covert conversations can lead to emotional distance from the existing partner. It can leave them confused and lead to doubts, fights, and even psychological withdrawal.
Frequently thinking about or anticipating interactions with the other party can leave one disinterested and even bored in the primary relationship. Partners often engage in unnecessary comparisons between their partners and potential interests, often unfavourably so.
These relationships are often justified and rationalised by labelling them as "just friends", despite evident emotional closeness.
Impact on relationships
Emotional affairs can weaken trust and lead to considerable emotional distress for both partners. The one engaging in the affair may experience guilt, confusion, and a deepening attachment to the third party, while the other partner may feel betrayed, inadequate, and hurt. Over time, this dynamic can chip away at the foundation of the relationship, making reconciliation a challenge.
Navigating emotional boundaries
In today's digital age, the lines between platonic friendships and affairs can blur easily, especially considering how simple online communication has become. Every relationship is different and couples in committed relationships must establish and maintain clear boundaries regarding emotional intimacy with others. Open communication about what constitutes acceptable interactions outside the relationship can help prevent misunderstandings and potential emotional infidelity from the word go.
If an emotional affair is suspected or, worse, has already occurred, addressing it honestly is key. It is crucial to let your partner know about the nature of the outside relationship and the damage it has done to the primary partnership.
It is important to agree to work together to rebuild trust through transparency, consistent communication, and mutual support from then on. Couples therapy may be a prudent choice if one is to learn how to navigate the complexities of the relationship post-emotional infidelity and strengthen damaged bonds.
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