Till Death Do Us Part – 5 proven ways to a happy marriage!
They say marriage is a bond meant to last forever. When we were children, our parents read fairy tales and fancy stories of royals to us, where the young prince charming sought out his true love and married her to live 'happily ever after'. With that peaceful visual in mind, most of us take the leap towards the unknown. However, the many circumstances have shown that – 'marriage', alas, is not meant for forever and married couples may not live happily ever-after. So, what went wrong? There can be a number of issues causing the mess, but there are preventive measures as well so that couples don't face such terrible lows in their life. What are they, you ask? Let's see.
Building Trust
First and foremost, there must be adequate trust amongst the partners. If your lady love suggests having a day out at the spa with her friends, please do not call her or spy on her just to be sure! Same goes with the ladies; if hubby darling wants to have a boy's night out, don't mess it up. Don't go calling all his friends wives to find out whether hubby has told you the truth after all. There is no antidote against distrust; it's just a feeling that you must withhold. The major trick is, if your partner knows that you trust them blindly then they would not be able to break the trust easily. Only baseless mistrust feeds on more.
Giving Respect
If you have ever asked your grand mother how her marriage of 50 years went so smoothly, she'd sneer back at you and tell you that during her time, couples had enough respect for each other, which is a rare sight these days. No matter how much you like to shout at your significant other and think it is appropriate, refrain from doing so, because after a point in time, he or she might not feel so keen about it. Take time to listen to what your partner has to say even if it is as insignificant as a new lipstick that she bought or the terrible vendor at work who behaved badly.
An additional topic that must also be addressed are extended families – in Bangladesh when you get married, it means that you are getting married to the entire family. There will be in-laws involved and many new relationships. Both the partners must respect their in-laws, incorporate them in your regular life, visit them when you are visiting your parents etc. The little respect that you pay to the in-laws will NEVER go unnoticed by your significant other. The love of your life will appreciate you even more.
Love to Love
When you are married for 10 years and you have two kids together, you believe there is nothing more for you to give to your partner. That's wrong! Living together and having children together cannot be a justified reason to refrain from showing more 'love' to your partner. Take her out to dinner, compliment her. Go with him to his favourite ball game, compliment him. Never take the love that you share for granted. Love is like a flame, which must be rekindled now and then, to increase its brightness.
Practice Patience
Living alone for a long time in our formative years makes us get used to a certain type of lifestyle. When a partner walks in, things change drastically; of course it makes you mad the he keeps the toilet seat up despite being told a 100 times not to! Of course, it makes you loose your wits, because you don't understand why she keeps arranging your things when you have specifically told her not to touch any of your belongings. Adjustment is never easy; it was hard with your dorm-room mate and it is equally hard with your life partner. Don't make too much of a fuss about these nitty gritties. Continue communicating about your desires, even if it falls on deaf ears. Don't lose your patience, and one day you'll realise the toilet seat in your house is no longer put up.
Enjoy your Independence
Everyone needs their own space; accept it. He cannot always be expected to watch soppy serials with you. She cannot always be expected to attend or enjoy the poker nights at your friends. Your significant other maybe the love of your life and you might have a notion that it means you live like congenial twins-- but no! That's absolutely wrong. It's not necessary that your partner will share the same life interests as you, but they shouldn't mock you either. This is where the space issue comes in. Why not use two laptops to watch two different movies in the same room? You can hand her the tissue for her tears and she can give you a squeeze in the arm when The Rock finally dies in a movie. A win-win, wouldn't you say?
No one ever said life was easy. On the contrary, it becomes even more of a challenge after marriage. But, if you learn to dodge the balls correctly, you will definitely be set for a fine life ahead. And must I remind you again, there is actually nothing better in life than a happy marriage.
Photo: LS Archive/Sazzad Ibne Sayed
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