The dilemma of sleepovers

A night away from home and parents, adjusting to a different environment can be a great learning experience for a child or a teenager. Some parents may hate the idea and others may just be okay. Either way, sleepovers can instil a sense of independence; it can help a child build social skills, along with giving a boost in confidence. It is also a way for the parents to convey to the child that they trust her/him.

However, there are other issues that need to be kept in mind. Maliha, a mother of four children, ages ranging from 6 to 18, has hosted countless sleepovers and is totally in favour of them. She said, "Hosting a sleepover is undoubtedly the best way to get to know my child's friends. It helps me identify the well-behaved, well-mannered children I want around my child. Also, it helps me recognise those kids who can negatively influence my child."

The bonding that goes on during these sleepovers because of the secrets shared is priceless. Nafeesa, 40, is a mother of two.  She said, "I have five girlfriends, all now settled in different parts of the world. Despite the distances that separate us, we are closer than ever. I have two things to thank for that: modern technology like Whatsapp and the many sleepovers we had at each other's houses when we were kids. I would never deprive my children from sleepovers."

Another advantage of sending your child for a sleepover is the quiet time you finally get with your partner. Sabir, father to a 13-year-old-girl, has long working hours and a hectic schedule. "My wife and I really welcome sleepover invitations for our daughter. We take the opportunity and have a date-night for ourselves," he says with a sheepish grin. In the case of more than one child, you might be able to focus your attention on the remaining child exclusively.

Fatima, a mother of two, on the other hand is not so convinced. "My elder daughter becomes extremely grumpy and irritable the day after her party. Lack of sleep really affects her mood and that becomes a hassle for me." Fatima said she probably will not be encouraging her younger daughter, currently 5, to attend sleepovers.

Another major issue, especially in the case of teens, is experimenting with drugs and alcohol.  Even one child in the group can make this possible. However, as much as you may trust your child to stay away from experiments like these, peer pressure and the high of a night out, away from the watchful eyes of the parents, is a force to reckon with. 

Fahad, father to a 2-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son, is totally against sleepovers. Recounting his time as a teen, he said, "I know what goes on in sleepovers. I had my first smoke at a friend's place during a sleepover. I have seen some of my friends going overboard with alcohol too." 

"My parents gave me a much disciplined upbringing, despite that, in the heat of the moment and to 'belong' to the group I have done things, many of which I now regret. My wife and I have decided to have a strict no-sleepover rule for both our children."

Finally, the biggest and critical con of a sleepover is the safety of your child; you may know the parents hosting the party, but not the entire family and that is a risk factor. 

So, to sleepover or not to sleepover? Well this is a choice only you, as a parent, can make.  The most important point is to know and trust the hosting parents without a doubt and be open about your rules with them.  Be sure to mention to the hosting parents all the things you are uncomfortable with.   

Admittedly, no parent can be 100 percent sure about how the night will unfold, but as a parent it is our responsibility to make a well informed decision. Irrespective, if you are not comfortable with sending your child for a sleepover but do not want your child to miss out on all the fun and bonding, you can always allow them for what is a 'lateover', a not-so-new concept, where you allow your child to join the party but only up till 10pm or 11pm and then pick them up. 

Sleepovers/lateovers can be a lot of fun. They will give your child memories that will last a lifetime – cherished moments, which they will be able to recollect and smile at later in life. They are an important part of growing up, and not sending your child to one will amount to them missing out on one of the most fun aspects of their childhood. But being careful and aware is a parent's job in order to ensure that the memories they create are only good ones.

By Samina Hossain