Let's Get High… Grades!

Here is a list of things I do not do:

ex-ercise, ex-es, ex-tra credit, ex-tra work, ex-treme sports (e.g. climbing up stairs), ex-plode, maths, ex-traordinary feats (unless related to procrastination/sleep), ex-xagerate, ex-foliate, ex-tensive research, ex-pedite, ex-haustive lists, and amongst other things, ex-press emotions.

Notice any similarities between all these? Well, if anyone asks what my most hated prefix is, you now know what to say. There is however, one 'ex' word that I have to do. Not by choice though, because I am not stupid, but by necessity and considerable parental pressure. Ex-ams!

*dramatic dun-dun-dunnnn sound plays in background*

Perhaps the most dreaded word of them all, exams bring unrelenting stress and threats of eviction from the house for students, with increasing contemplations to live life as a hermit. When the time comes, you become fat Uncle Dursley while the exams are the letters the owls keep delivering; no matter how hard you try to ignore them, they'll come for sure.  Here are some tips so that you can prepare yourself better than Harry's uncle did.

Be Punctual

For any exam, being on time is crucial to a good performance. Considering our traffic situation, you do not want to be risking it. The safest thing to do is to go to the exam centre a minimum of 7 hours and 48 minutes before the scheduled start time. In fact, you should just camp outside of the gates, from weeks before. If you can't do this you can always arrive on "your" own time. Watches have dials, you know. (wink, wink!)

Answer the easy ones first, then the hard ones

It's common sense to answer the basics first. This means, don't fudge up the spelling of your name. If you've prepared well, you should also be able to answer your roll number correctly. If not, then write down your house number times the number of socks you own, divided by your waist to get a reasonable approximation. For the date, use the same formula, but replace house number with the price of your cow from last Qurbani Eid. 

Be comfortable

The correct outfit can go a long way. Dress code for physics exams should therefore be a Luke Skywalker costume… so that the force may be with you.

Make use of your time

Time is of the essence during exams. Save time by writing with both hands simultaneously, one for each side of the answer script. If anyone questions your penmanship, retaliate by saying you are preparing to be a doctor.

Multiple choice = easy marks

Easy marks can be scored in objective questions. For multiple choice, bring a dice with you and assign each side an option. Roll away! And for answering True/False, flip a coin, taking heads as true and tails as false – 100% marks guaranteed. Pro-tip: Do not try double-checking your answers with the coin method.

Answer all questions

If you manage to answer all questions, your efforts alone can help you pass. Take advantage of this from now on. When offered the question paper, graciously decline it, insisting you know all the answers and won't be requiring the questions. If they force you to take the question paper, scrunch it up into a ball and throw it back at them to prove your point.

Stay relaxed

Undoubtedly, the most important thing is to stay relaxed during your exams. Take the time to meditate and maybe do yoga. You may even try your hand at a new skill. I learned I was a pretty deft knitter during a 2 hour-long Eco final. If things get too strenuous, resort to plan B. Carry a pillow with you so that you can take it out and get yourself some deserved shut-eye!

If you follow my advice, you will be scoring through the roof, no doubt. I have chosen to divulge my trade secrets because exams are unfairly advantageous to those who study. This is my way of levelling the playing field. And make sure to savour your exams by taking that envious exam hall selfie and uploading it to Facebook, for the world to marvel at. 

Nibras is a doctor-to-be and a lover of murgi roast. He spends his free time stalking you on Instagram, so DM @niibbzzz.