THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Pineapple topping on pizza is cool, but I'm better.
Taurus
Google how to pronounce "Phuket" properly so you don't make a blunder.
Gemini
You might be a gem, but you're a small one, because you're Gemini.
Cancer
Don't ask people on Facebook to wake up the Green Day guy now that September is over.
Leo
If cats have nine lives, is their motto You Only Live Nine Times (YOLNT)?
Virgo
Don't be fooled by the smiling pictures of students in your prospective university's website.
Libra
Steal French fries off others' plates.
Scorpio
You should probably get a drone.
Sagittarius
Ask out someone whose name starts with Dž.
Capricorn
How about you order a Fakeout burger from Post-tom made by a Mad Jeff?
Aquarius
Take responsibility; turn all the calendar pages in your school or workplace.
Pisces
If you think you are so brave, watch Dabbe 4. Alone. At night. With the lights off.
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