The Vatman rises and surprises again

Cartoon: Ehsanur Raza Ronny

"There's a storm coming, Mr Insane. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us." These are the very words that our hero lives by. In the new world crafted by the designs of George RR Martin, there are no longer any good guys or bad guys; only realists who live on the very boundaries of the so-called grey area. And this is the grey area that gave birth to Bangladesh's first ever superhero: The Vatman. The Vatman knows its best too have it all than leave too little for the rest.

A reality that transcended into a meme and metamorphosed back into its former self, our only hopes of salvation now lies with the Vatman. No one knows who he is or what purpose he serves. Hell, no one even knows why he was selected to serve the purpose he was chosen to serve. But he is there nonetheless, making decisions and statements that even make Fox News reconsider their stance on whether Donald Trump is really the funniest thing about politics. The Vatman is an individual who considers 4000 crore taka a meager amount, only if it was embezzled from the populace he serves right under his nose. He is also the man much reviled for allowing an entire stock market to crash. He was further criticized for not disclosing the names of the individuals who caused the crash despite starting a committee just to find those very names. But now, he has a plan. And if logic is how you make plans, then the Vatman is surely not for your liking. 

Some people just want to watch the world burn. Others burn it by trying to put out the flames using the bottle of Chivas Regal they just acquired by their latest appearance at some fashion show at a famous club or inaugurating yet another corporation, despite being a public servant and such endorsements being unethical. Some men just live beyond the rules and the Vatman is truly one such character. Now is the time to pick up the pen and jot down some details on how it's all done. But you probably can't by the time this article comes out. The Vatman is called that for a reason and the reason is he is the champion of Value-Added Tax, a capitalist orgy which considers all externalities derived from any activity to be fickle. Economic good or economic bad, the Vatman knows all things should be taxed.



Except listed corporations, of course. Listed corporations can pay less tax than they used to. After all, they contribute monetarily to society, unlike so many private educational institutes that only educate students. What is the point of educating students who don't even pay taxes? Maybe they do, but their university doesn't. And what about healthcare? People these days go to the doctor the minute their child sneezes more than once. The Vatman knows to tax that too. Tax anything that moves or doesn't. Had a new born baby? Tax that little bugger before he consumes too much milk and baby formula. The Vatman must protect.

But who must he protect? Must he stop and ask why banks earn double on loans and pay half the interest rate for deposits? Should he in fact say its better to have more public funded universities at a higher cost than a tax on already expensive private education? The Vatman doesn't have time for such petty thoughts. Armed with a BA in English Literature (a must for anyone dealing with finances, right?) and an MPA from Harvard, the Vatman knows what economics, at least micro – economics without the nuisance of economic externalities, is all about. He may not be the hero we want but he is certainly the hero we need. A visionary, the Vatman is primed to be a saviour. With his flavour of "what's logic" and short-termism, the country can only move forward in time at least for a few years. Then there will be too few skilled workers, all priced out of education. But that is a worry for someone else. Someone else who isn't Vatman. Someone else who needs the Vatman.

"I demand to know what happened to all the money I got as Eidi when I was a kid!" An opinion piece on the Vatman's heavy handedness with the tax hammer.

Cartoon: Ehsanur Raza Ronny