THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
The Weeknd's new album is pretty good. Listen to it.
Taurus
Not sure if Ox or Buffalo.
Gemini
Let me lift your spirits. Wingardium Leviosa!
Cancer
Oh I'm not sure if that haircut suits you.
Leo
Stop eating Paach Takar Pattice.
Virgo
Go to a hill and gaze at the stars. Just do it.
Libra
You will drop your cellphone today.
Scorpio
Hanging out is too mainstream. Stay in. Read a good book.
Sagittarius
Those neon green shoes aren't a bad idea.
Capricorn
Learn the dragon shouts from Skyrim and use them on random people.
Aquarius
All these clocks but you still couldn't give me time.
Pisces
Stop thinking about yourself all the time. Donate your PS4.
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