THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Want easy money? Become a motivational speaker.
Taurus
Your start-up will actually have a revenue model. Good luck.
Gemini
A dodecahedron will be extremely important to your love life.
Cancer
Penetrate a thick tyre tube with a log book. Numbers will be positive.
Leo
Ten trillion water bottles or one Uttara dweller? Make the choice quick.
Virgo
Your life will be forfeit if you don't restart your router while chanting "CAN I HABBEDA LEMONADE."
Libra
Aircraft carriers will bring progress in your professional life.
Scorpio
Learn big words. They will compensate for certain deficiencies.
Sagittarius
If the chicken comes before the egg, why is there a chicken inside the egg?
Capricorn
A round of squires will come into the knight.
Aquarius
Tell your boss you can travel between dimensions, then show him a 3D movie in 2D.
Pisces
Slice your pizzas evenly or bad luck will get you from behind in the shower.
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