THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
You ever wonder how llamas always bark?
Taurus
I'd tell you to drink Red Bull but what would you do with wings?
Gemini
Please. No more "gem" puns.
Cancer
You are the reason I am not platinum yet.
Leo
I choose the Uttara dweller.
Virgo
Chant Steve Jobs' name every day. You will be unemployed forever.
Libra
Liberal Arts is a good subject for you.
Scorpio
An extensive vocabulary is useless if you only want to show off.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
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