THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Bear a child. One must learn the ursine ways of life.
Taurus
White sauce goes well with pasta only if it's whipped well.
Gemini
A truck with GPA 5 will call your mother.
Cancer
Three pieces of chicken will dictate your future. Choose wisely.
Leo
Buy an acre of land in Narayanganj. Thank me later.
Virgo
Why aren't you modding your Pajero yet?
Libra
Lick your doggo. You must show love the right way.
Scorpio
Go to the airport. Stay there.
Sagittarius
One entire barrel of hand lotion will fix any past trauma.
Capricorn
Oil your own sandwich maker.
Aquarius
Put your hand inside an aquarium. Now rub the fishes like that. Mmm.
Pisces
Keep a picture of your boss on your desk. It will bring good luck.
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