(Bad) Harry Potter Spin-offs

After years of the fandom asking J.K. Rowling to give us more information about the Marauders and their early adventures, last year she finally answered our pleas with a movie about that beast brochure she wrote that one time. But the uproar in the fandom with the release of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them showed just how desperate we fans are to have any new material associated with the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

So it got me thinking: why stop with Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? Here is a list of more ideas for J.K. Rowling.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM: PLANT DETECTIVE

Starting with a series of books and later being turned into a movie series, this could even have the potential to take on Sherlock Holmes. The story would revolve around Neville Longbottom- Herbology professor by day and a detective by night. He would use his dashing good looks and his amazing knowledge of plants to solve crimes like Neville Longbottom and the Curse of the Mandrakes, Neville Longbottom and the Gillyweed Incident, Neville Longbottom and the Pus from the Mimbulus Mimbletonia, and the very last book Neville Longbottom and the Wrong Kind Of Weed. 

HOW TO GET YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITY IN 10 DAYS

Ginny Weasley's guide on how to get your favourite celebrity to notice you, and possibly want to make babies with you (the first step would probably be having your brother be best friends with the said celebrity). Ginny is definitely one of the most badass characters in the main series. Who wouldn't want a 500-page book about how she charmed The Chosen One?

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR REAL DRAGON

I cannot be the only one who has wondered about the adventures of Charlie Weasley and his dragons. The time he smuggled Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback out of Hogwarts, the time he had to sneak four fully-grown dragons into the country for the Triwizard Tournament and the countless adventures he probably had in Albania. The books write themselves!

THAT'S SO TRELAWNEY

A comedy TV show about teenage years of Professor Trelawney - the story revolving around her, her dysfunctional group of friends and the mishaps that occur due to Trelawney's (mostly wrong) predictions. This could be the next Emmy-winning sitcom.

LUNA LOVEGOOD AND THE CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK

Many a time had Luna mentioned this elusive magical creature in the books. But do they actually exist? A movie about Luna and her quest for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, encountering dark wizards and maybe finding true love along the way.

A COLLECTION OF SONNETS BY PEEVES THE POLTERGEIST

The title says it all. If successful, they could even be turned into an album. After all, who wouldn't want to hear Peeves' rendition of "Weasley Is Our King"? 

HOW TO AVOID NOT-SO-MAGICAL RESPONSIBILITIES

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore illustrates his daring escape from having to look after his Squib sister and goat-loving brother. 

AN INTRODUCTION TO MACHINES BY ARTHUR WEASLEY

This is for those of you who took up engineering only because your parents wanted to have an engineer in the family. Arthur Weasley's simple guide explaining all Muggle gadgets will rescue you from those tedious classes and you can finally secure that A grade. If you order the special edition guide you get an exclusive chapter explaining the exact function of the rubber duck.

So there you go J.K. Rowling, these will be enough to keep us Potterheads sane for another decade or so. 

On the off-chance that J.K. Rowling does not come across these ideas feel free to send me some donations so that I can bring the above masterpieces to life.

Tasnim Odrika is having an existential crisis at the moment and doesn't really know who she is anymore. Send her compliments at odrika_02@yahoo.com