This Week's Horrorscope
Aries
I will be in your mind all day, don't mind me.
Taurus
Time to break the rules and eat water.
Gemini
Your headphones will listen to you and not the other way around.
Cancer
Do you leave behind a piece of yourself every time you buy a banana?
Leo
Tomorrow, you'll wake up to whispers saying "lemme smash".
Virgo
You should learn how to swim on the streets.
Libra
A monkey a day, keeps the banana away.
Scorpio
Too young to settle in; too tired to try new things.
Sagittarius
Can we just appreciate our pyjamas?
Capricorn
We told you not to hear the music.
Aquarius
Tell your doctor you suffer from derptitis.
Pisces
I am not going to tell you this but you are a potato.
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