This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
I am your full cream milk powder.
TAURUS
That wasn't cooking oil in your eggs.
GEMINI
Break some rules today. Play cricket with a baseball bat.
CANCER
It's okay to be selfish. Don't make any U turns. Make I turns.
LEO
A fish in the hat is better than two in the cat.
VIRGO
You should write Twitter stories on your soap and call them Ayyy-soap's Fables.
LIBRA
An Apache helicopter will visit your dreams.
SCORPIO
Keep a fried chicken journal, it will bring forth great merriment.
SAGITTARIUS
Don't wear transparent clothing. Why do I need to tell you that?
CAPRICORN
In 11 dog years, you will find your true mate.
AQUARIUS
Smell this section of the paper.
PISCES
Cut my life into Pisces, this is my last retort.
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