This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Cradle your phone like a baby and kiss it. It's for luck, obviously.
TAURUS
Do you always forget to scratch your chin while crossing the road?
GEMINI
The roads are dark but so is your heart, so don't be afraid.
CANCER
If you're hiking in a TV commercial, is it an ad-venture?
LEO
Embrace your true destiny as a professional CNG artist.
VIRGO
You know what this world needs? Another GoT themed Facebook ad.
LIBRA
Listen to 6 hours worth of Taylor Swift, it has great medical benefits.
SCORPIO
Tata.
SAGITTARIUS
Modify your Allion already, n00b.
CAPRICORN
If you are a female baker, are you a flour girl?
AQUARIUS
Climate change is real, so is halitosis.
PISCES
The planets have aligned to form a weird shape, I don't know, man. Ask a real astrologer.
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