This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Push me to the edge.
TAURUS
All my friends are bread.
GEMINI
Ever feel sad that you're just a pawn in the universe's grand scheme?
CANCER
Are you one of those kids who likes to stay awake at 6 PM?
LEO
Each one of you has a burrito. Find it.
VIRGO
Can I not listen to you anymore?
LIBRA
Now where did I keep that beaver-repellent?
SCORPIO
I don't know what made you into who you are but okay.
SAGITTARIUS
I'm not sure how I feel about banana on pizza.
CAPRICORN
In today's headlines, you have read this sentence.
AQUARIUS
Trust me when I say, it's going to rain Nutella soon.
PISCES
The great sea turtle has told me you'll find a 5 taka coin in your kitchen sink.
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