I need to be liked

To some extent, don't we all? 

Behind all the "I don't care what people think about me" posts are people who deeply care what society thinks of them. And that is absolutely okay. We all want to be liked and appreciated. But, when this need crosses a certain point and starts affecting your personality, that's when you know you've got a serious problem. 

Look, I'm a reasonable person and I understand that not everyone is going to like everyone. I understand this idea like the way I understand Maxwell's equations. I understand the concept but I will never be able to apply it to a real life situation. So, whenever I meet someone new, my default brain setting is "They hate me". Hence, I go out of my way to seem like a pleasant and agreeable human being. For example, if my new friend accidentally drops their stationary during class, I will immediately pick it up for them without them even asking me. I will say yes to every favour they ask of me even if it is regarding something I do not want to do.

But, once it has been firmly established that the other person likes me, I immediately transition from being agreeable and friendly to being a bit stand-offish. So, no more picking up pens for them and no more heart emojis with every text. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I get tired of them. I just feel more comfortable with a person when I can be openly cold and mean with them. 

The problem that arises from this is that I am left with two contradicting personalities and sometimes even I confuse myself as to who I am as a person. And my brain goes into complete haywire mode when I'm introducing an old friend to a new one. One of my biggest fears is that one day of my close friends will witness me interacting with a new person and then stop liking me. 

So, in conclusion, please like me.