This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Who likes melted ice cream anyway?
TAURUS
Do you know why llamas are so fascinating?
GEMINI
What do horses play at parties? Just Prance.
CANCER
I really wish you'd stop stockpiling chocolates in your drawer.
LEO
A cacophony of crows and cats await you today.
VIRGO
If the Earth is flat, how does it revolve around the Sun?
LIBRA
Stop using stripes everywhere!
SCORPIO
Push me to the edge, all my friends are bread.
SAGITTARIUS
Get a camel. Name him Kamal.
CAPRICORN
I'm not really sure what you're going to do with all that tartar sauce.
AQUARIUS
Be sure to check your messages for discounts to stuff you might buy in the future.
PISCES
Try not to eat too much cake today.
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