This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Remember, remember, the rain in November; old and tacky, please stop.
TAURUS
Make sure your kettle isn't burning.
GEMINI
Freeing the proletariat and establishing a classless society would be easy if bourgeoisie had an easier spelling.
CANCER
Clad in the clothes you are wearing, reading this right now, smiles the best person ever.
LEO
Bet you're having a bad day, someone probably made fun of you and you didn't even get it.
VIRGO
"Say your name" – person in a relationship who always put their partner first.
LIBRA
Ulcer is an unfortunate disease, but it's not as unfortunate as someone speaking in 2 month old memes.
SCORPIO
Cho Guevera was Harry Potter's political idol at 13, he has learned better since.
SAGITTARIUS
Knowledge is power but it's more powerful in the hands of someone smart.
CAPRICORN
Abs de Villiers would be a very good name for a gymbro cricketer.
AQUARIUS
She is in parlours everywhere, she combs my hair, she's done my hairdo.
PISCES
Sharpen your tools before you use them, unless it's a club. That'd be stupid.
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