GIRL, YOU'RE A BRO
We all know about the dreaded brozone. It's the place where even the bravest of men are afraid to go. Fact: 7 out of 10 women have brozoned at least 7 guys in their whole lifetime. Even as we speak, a guy somewhere is descending into the brozone and listening to Westlife songs to heal himself.
But no, these guys are not the only ones under the label. We are here too. And we are a rare breed – often introduced at parties as "wingmen", a word that obviously messes with our gender. We are majestic feminine creatures who get along with you too well for our femininity to get revealed. We are the "bros", the ultimate companions men can get.
Once in a while, we meet a nice guy, play pool on Facebook, chat on Viber and send each other playlists until the day we realise that's as far as this is ever going to go. Nice guy then talks to us about the girl he has a crush on (which is clearly not us) and asks for advice on how to approach her. With Momtaz's brozone anthem Faitta Jae playing in our heads, we give him the best advice in the universe (which gradually helps him to win the other girl) in reply to which he says, "You are a bro" (the greatest compliment he knows).
Slowly, Viber chats turn into awkward and ugly Snapchats. Nice guy doesn't mind our hideous, #wokeuplikethis faces. Neither does he mind sending us pictures of his flared nostrils or his disturbing expressions. A sacred, trustworthy relationship develops between nice guy and our kind, as we both choose not to screenshot the pictures which might otherwise seem frightening to people. Once a week, nice guy uploads a picture on his Instagram account tagging us with #BestBro in reaction to which we sing Momtaz's song some more.
One fine morning, nice guy invites us to his house. We dress in casuals and run to find out we are the only person belonging to the female gender in a house full of his guy friends. But nice guy introduces us as "The Bro" to his friends before we all start playing Guitar Hero. It surely takes a while for us bros to get used to the routine but gradually, we replace all the feels we previously had for nice guy with ones that might help us share fart jokes with him. With each passing day, we grow more comfortable with nice guy and start watching chick flicks together, without being judgmental.
With a heavy heart, we embrace our brohood. Our respectful relationship with nice guy flourishes and we stop singing Momtaz's song. Nice guy approaches the other girl he likes as we "wing" for him from a distance. We are successful women. We can now wear oversized sweatpants without anyone judging us.
Brohood is one of the most beautiful things that exist in this universe. Without us women who are also bros, the world would be a dark, dark place. Although it will hurt a little in the centre of your heart at first, let us make a pledge to be the best bros humanly possible.
Mashiat Lamisa is often seen frowning at the sight of people who dislike poetry and tomatoes. She can be reached at mashiatlamisa@outlook.com
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