This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Telephones and later, jelly cones.
TAURUS
Esteban, did you put the stuff away?
GEMINI
Lies can only get so far, until you do worse.
CANCER
Love is in the air, water and soil. Be aware.
LEO
Motorists on the streets of Dhaka, sad.
VIRGO
Ether would have existed if we weren't so mean to it.
LIBRA
Silicon is a semi conductor, like Iniesta was a Messi conductor.
SCORPIO
Of idiotic ramblers, I have much to ramble about.
SAGITTARIUS
No one quite bends it like Juninho Pernambucano, even Beckham.
CAPRICORN
Wishful thinking and wistful eyes, I am stuck.
AQUARIUS
Hedge funds don't fund hedges and no one is mad about it.
PISCES
Youth is fleeting, old man. Old age is permanent, until it's not.
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