This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Your car is in me.
TAURUS
Please don't touch my handbrake.
GEMINI
Sucking on potatoes will improve your luck.
CANCER
Your Playstation 4 is sentient. It doesn't like you.
LEO
Unicycle is your gender.
VIRGO
Twitch stream yourself brushing teeth.
LIBRA
Orange Juice did nothing wrong.
SCORPIO
Tiny dancer, why aren't you Cancer?
SAGITTARIUS
Rock it, man.
CAPRICORN
Get your mother angry to hear Sandal in the Wind.
AQUARIUS
Eid is coming. Sacrifice.
PISCES
This horrorscope is so sad. Alexa play Despacito.
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