This week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Eating spaghetti will get you nowhere.



TAURUS

Are you talking to me?



GEMINI

Row your boat out of your miseries.



CANCER

Long live the queen of the swamp!



LEO

Is you is, or is you ain't my baby?



VIRGO

Eggs are a good substitute for ping-pong balls.



LIBRA

Sad to see you go to that concert I wanted to go to.



SCORPIO

Take some salt and rub it all over those wounds.



SAGITTARIUS

Black sheep are actually good to look at.



CAPRICORN

Isn't it strange how the seasons change and it is still hot?



AQUARIUS

Right after this commercial break, you will get a break.



PISCES

Do you even know when to stop looking for things?