Living with Emotionally-distant Parents

There are very few children who don't occasionally whine about communication issues and misunderstandings between their parents and themselves. These issues primarily arise from emotional responses. However it is far more distressing when it arises from a lack of them.
     In the vast majority of families, few children are "friends" with their parents. Regardless, parents tend to be emotionally invested in their children; in the case of most parents their children's successes and defeats feel like their own. So when your parents buy sweets for the entire neighbourhood on results day, it is because they are as proud of your achievement as you are. Conversely, they scold your bad results because they consider the disappointment as their own. Yet there are parents who do not really stop to pay attention at all.
    Arafat Imam*, 18, is a great student and frequently brings home brilliant grades only to evoke nothing more than a nod from his father. He says, "I don't think he really cares about anything I do, most of the time I don't think he even bothers to hear about it. It makes me mad sometimes. He thinks my achievements don't matter and at the end of it all, regardless of whether I do well or not, he can just place me into a job in his company. It makes me wonder why I even try at all."
    The emotional distance often creates a feeling of being ignored and can be the cause of acting out in need of attention and care. Shehrin Shilpa*, 19, lives with her widowed father. She says, "There are days I walk in my house quite late at night and I don't even know if my dad knew I was out all day. My friends often get angry with their parents because their phones are consistently buzzing with their parent's number after dark; I rarely get a call, on those days or otherwise. It's not just about calls; there isn't anything he does to interact with me. He sometimes looks at me. That's it."
     Other than the obvious deprivation of care and attention, it can also lead to unsettling feelings. With parents like that, many suffer from self-esteem issues and doubt their stance in their family. Granted that not all emotions need to be expressed in words or elaborate shows, but some need to be conveyed, especially when it concerns a growing child at a vulnerable age, during their teens. 
"It's easy to argue a point, to yell and scream until something is resolved, but it's a lot harder when it's a battle of silent treatments and ignoring each other's existence. My mom's the first and my dad's the latter. To this date, I don't know if I have obeyed him or gone astray. We never even had that conversation," says Maya Amin*, 17.
     Often an emotionally closed off parent may appear to be uncaring; however, it might also be very far from the truth. As opposed to accumulating frustration over the unspoken words and thoughts, it would be better if there was a greater input in finding healthier ways to communicate, to talk and express each other's feelings. Sometimes, though, it is more difficult to say anything than nothing at all. In most cases, for the children of emotionally-distant parents, even their closest friends remain unaware of their torment. And in the end, the loud wails of these children fall on deaf ears; the cries echo off the walls of confinement, but not a soul takes heed.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

With a keen eye and a broken brain to mouth filter, Mahejabeen Hossain Nidhi has a habit of throwing obscure insults from classical novels at random people who may or may not have done anything to warrant them.  Drop her a line at mahejabeen.nidhi@gmail.com