US court to give ‘Bad day’ pass to Caucasian mass shooters

Photo: Aubrey Hicks on Unsplash

The top court in the famously free and notoriously democratic United States of America, the greatest country in the world, is ready to go a step further to endear itself to its most prized kind of citizens.

The top US court is all set to give the "Bad day" pass to those who have engaged in the American time pass of mass shooting, provided the accused meets certain criteria.

"We have finalised the 'Bad day' pass and hope that it will be a tremendous game changer which will make our citizens more secure and our justice system more robust," Justice Robertson said at a press conference earlier yesterday.

Asked about the criteria, he said the accused would need to be able to a history of mental illnesses, prove that the raging income inequality in the country had actually impacted them and finally that they were white.

"It is not racist, I think. Historically, most perpetrators of mass shooting are white males, with many of them being young, spunky but misguided school-going children. The other race groups also engage in popping off a few gun shots here and there, but they are usually motivated by drugs, gang-affiliations or terrorism," he said.

"While we are here, can we also do away with white shooters equal mental illness and brown shooters equal terrorism? That is such a tired, old and divisive joke. We really expect people to go after the fruit on higher branches and be more original," he added.

Pointing out that the law came after a white man was charged with killing eight women, of which most were Asian, it was asked whether the killings were racially motivated.

"Don't make this out to be a hate crime. America has no place for racism. We have never had a history of racism. Ours is one of the most welcoming country in the world and we celebrate diversity like nobody else. We are the greatest country in the world," Robertson said.  

When an Asian reporter insisted there seemed to be an element of racism in the new law, Robertson insisted there wasn't and that he was the least racist person you can ever meet and even had many black friends.  

"There is nothing racist about this law. It is, in fact, necessary. Here, you can live by our rules or you can go back to your own country," he said.