The relationship between in-laws and a newly married couple can be a delicate balance. Navigating these dynamics requires tact and understanding, where knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do. There are some key behaviours to ensure harmonious visits and maintain positive relationships with your in-laws.
Here are the top 5 things you should never do while visiting in-laws.
Visit empty-handed
Know that first impressions matter. Just like it would in a job interview, except here, the relationship is (hopefully) a lifelong one. Take something small, yet thoughtful when you visit them. Going empty-handed will not put you behind bars, of course, but taking a small gift is a nice gesture that your new family will remember.
That being said, do spare a thought about what it is that you would like to gift — opting for something too expensive or over-the-top may seem insincere or boastful, even if that is not your intention.
Dressing shabby
It's not a crime to have lazy days but just like you would make an effort for your spouse, it may be worth your while to look presentable for their family from time to time.
"My family is somewhat conservative," said Sumaita Saleh, a twenty-something new bride. "I was very worried about how my parents would view my husband with his long hair. Thankfully, he had the presence of mind to put it up in a neat hair bun, so it does not attract too much attention."
Every household is different in how they prefer to dress and it may be wise to respect their cultural norms, especially if you are just visiting. After all, you would want your partner to do the same at yours.
Be disrespectful
Never compromise on basic good manners. A humble, polite and respectful demeanour speaks well of your character and upbringing. Ask your partner if offering to help with small chores is appreciated in their household and go with their suggestion if you want.
"My fiancé always helped my mother set the table and clear it. She was not comfortable with going into the kitchen and neither my mum nor I ever expected her to," says Hisham Ratul, a banker by profession. Under no circumstances should you pretend to be someone you are not or feel pressured to take on a persona that you are not comfortable in.
Make comparisons
You may love the way your parents ran their household; you may hate it. Regardless of your home situation, it is important to keep an open mind about your in-laws and their ways of doing things.
Malaika Firoz, a middle-aged woman reminisced about the time she first hosted her son-in-law at her home. "He dislikes vegetables and I know that now, but back then, I had made the poor fellow eat the best vegetarian cuisine of Gujarat, and he had dutifully polished his plate. Years later, my daughter told me they stopped at a local burger joint later for his night's meal!"
By not insulting her efforts, her son-in-law won over her heart that night. Remember, diversity is a good thing, and in this case, embracing it can be great for your marriage.
Be a passive listener
It's important to be a good listener and observer when visiting your in-laws. This is a great opportunity for you to get to know your new family and understand their likes and dislikes.
Mukit Islam, a 43-year-old communication specialist said, "I almost shared a tragic story about a family member but decided to hold back. Shortly after, my father-in-law revealed a similar painful experience, and I realised how close I came to making an awkward situation even worse.
*Names of individuals changed to preserve anonymity*
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