Who cares for our aging parents?

I once watched a documentary series featuring abandoned widows of the Hindu sect seeking refuge in Varanasi, India. A video clip from the series shows a woman in her late seventies saying, "I find it ironic that a mother can take care of 10 children, but 10 of them cannot take care of one mother."

This realisation resonated strongly with me. She listlessly uttered the most tragic truth of her life and casually put the spotlight on the need for a recognised care economy in city lives. At this point in time, I am looking for one for my own loved ones.

This is a familiar and common story for us, who now need to take care of the person who helped raise us. The roles are reversed and our aging parents are now like our own children.

Health issues leading to fatal catastrophes, unnoticed or misunderstood mental health changes, and becoming financially dependent on us, their children, plague their minds. These are the unkindest dependencies to adjust to.

You do not realise when your mother's grip on your hand slips and you hold her hand instead.  This shift is very crucial. I strongly believe if you cannot commit yourself to this responsibility, then you find a better solution to aid you in taking care of your ailing parents.

Photo: Star

In Dhaka, there are plenty of caregiver services and agencies catering to this urgency to provide trusted, trained professionals and systematic plans tailored to your needs.

Enterprises such as Life Nursing Care; DHCL - Nursing Services & Home Care Services for Elderly & Patients; No Chinta Limited; AYAT Care and Maisha Care Ltd started to acknowledge the growing need for certified home caregiver support systems, particularly for the elderly when you cannot manage time to monitor their everyday medical routines.

"Services like feeding, bathing, diaper changing, medication management, dressing, toileting, maintaining their hygiene, keeping them happy with an engaging activity, but most importantly respecting their dignity is something these organisations offer. They also have 24-hour services, and respite care services, which means when you tire out, they take on your caregiving duties. The permutation and combination are such that they provide comprehensive support that is suitable for your unique requirements," says Rahima Begum, a busy homemaker, who availed such services in Dhaka.

"I need such a trusted professional caregiver or companion for my loved ones. Someone who would watch old Uttam Kumar movies with them or take them out for a walk in the park, and on a serious note, call for doctors when any emergencies arise or administer the SOS drug when I am not around," says Imtiaz Ali, who is an event planner and has erratic working hours.

There are many of us like Rahima and Imtiaz. We need caregiving assistance for our mothers who need palliative care, for fathers who fell in a bathroom and broke their back, for mothers-in-law who require tube feeding, or for cases where the mother is active and exuberant, but one does not have time to sit with her for chats over tea; all these situations, small or big, are harsh realities for us.

In my opinion, there is no harm in hiring professionals to care for the aging when you cannot give your 100 percent. In Dhaka, working couples prefer a nuclear family structure. The reasons can be either they do not live in the same cities as their parents, or live separately to not crowd their parent's homes. But at the end of the day, they feel guilty for not being able to give their parents quality time.

Thus, all paid and unpaid activities that provide care and support to children, the elderly, and those with disabilities make up the crucial care economy that is booming in Dhaka. And if we ignore the minor changes in them, if we do not give full attention to major issues, then we pay a high price for our indifference.