Don't be a woe-man
Who makes your bed at home? Who cleans your shoe? Who cooks your food and puts it on the table every day? Of course, these are age old questions, developed to highlight the roles we have imagined and imposed for men and women but there is another pertinent question we often forget to ask; who are these things being done for and why? It is often seen that a mother, who fiercely wants to protect her child from the harsh realities of this world, undertakes tasks often to minimise the cruelty of those very realities. She makes sure her child is never for want of food, that he or she comes home to a beautifully made bed, and that if they can't tie the knots of their shoelaces, a mother's helping hand is always present. Thus it is all done to help but it eventually becomes a hindrance.
Even in these minute acts of motherhood, often a duality comes into play when gender is brought into the equation. Is a mother as likely to do all these things for her daughter as she is for her son? Often times the answer is no. And this is where patriarchy takes root; an ignorant individual's excuse for stupidity blossoms right in their bedrooms without them even knowing. But of course, they don't know, seeing that they are ignorant. On one hand, a daughter is reprimanded for not making sure the bed sheets line up with the end of the bed and the blanket isn't carefully nestled under the bed sheets. The son, though, is often excused, despite his bedroom looking like it was just hit by a tornado. "Boys will be boys", the world remarks, another convenient excuse cooked up to disguise our many inadequacies. So we grow up learning that we never have to do menial chores and that there will always be a lady present to do it for ourselves.
Perhaps we are being fooled, and lulled into a false sense of security. When Armageddon comes about and we can't make a fire and even if we did, we can't cook, maybe that is when women will truly take over the world. It was the plan all along, we will think. But for now, perhaps we need to care about the example that we are setting. The very act of letting your daughter pack her own tiffin and making your son his own tiffin for him is where patriarchy is born. And make no mistake – patriarchyisn't a fight of women vs. men, but rather a fight between both genders against the presence of a dominant one.
Men can go along pretending like patriarchy doesn't affect them at all but is rather helpful, but of course this is a fool's belief. Remember, this isn't a case of all men dominating all women; rather, it is a case of a choice group of men dominating all others. The reason women earn much less than men is the same reason that Caucasians get cushy jobs in Bangladesh despite many Bangladeshis being better suited for the position. The notion we are spreading isn't that man is better than woman but rather a particular type of man is greater than all others and even this starts from your very home. This is why we have our things done for us without feeling the slightest sense of inadequacy. That is why we need to stop. That is why we need to unite.
By Osama Rahman
Photo: Sazzad Ibne Sayed
Model: Reetu and Mikaeel
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