Surviving (Extended) Family Get-togethers

Family is a safe haven or so we know, but what about your mother's cousin's wife's sister? Extended family too can be loving and caring or even plain annoying and hence family gatherings can be a total showdown, I tell you.

I still remember those Friday afternoon dawat involving extended family that we used to have at my mother's paternal house in Old Dhaka. The alleys were narrow, the people loud and there was always too much food on the table. The unwritten rule was to enter the house and greet all the elders and then bow down to touch anyone's feet who had at least one strand of grey hair. I didn't particularly mind this because the elderly were always cute and warm but sometimes smelled of betel nuts and attar. 

Then there was this one particular aunt, my mother's second cousin's wife, and her overdressed daughter. The first thing she noticed about me were the zits on my face and to my horror, her math game was on point. Done with her counting, she immediately grabbed my hand, sat me down and started prescribing me neem face packs twice a day. AUNTIE, NO. I had been pulling all-nighters and was out in the midday sun running from one coaching centre to the other and all I needed was a little sleep before my A Levels and not advice from a mother whose daughter would not even stir sugar into her tea by herself because hey, manicured nails.

There was also this uncle who was concerned about how much weight I had put on. I was chubby, yes; still am, but he had no right to call me “hopeless” and my mother “careless” in a room full of 20 people. My mother and grandmother are great cooks and I like to eat and I had been binging on donuts because my exams were near. UNCLE, PLEASE. Did you ever look at your pot belly peeping through the fourth button of your shirt?

Even my parents were not spared, it seemed. My mother was often asked if the bangle she was wearing was of real gold and my father about his promotion or the lack of it. I wasn't old enough for this, thank God, but I saw one of my older male cousins being asked repeatedly when he was getting married. If he were a girl, I suppose it would have been much worse. If you fail to give them a five year long future plan about your life in any case, they would simply conclude that you are not taking your life seriously. Period.

Weight or grade, they will always find something to pick on you. The newest addition is perhaps them enquiring about the boy/girl in your Facebook picture even though the caption is self explanatory and yes, innocent. Luckily, those days of dawat are over for me. That aunt has moved abroad and that uncle has been diagnosed with high cholesterol and avoids eating out. The get-togethers too don't happen quite as often and the only places I bump into my extended family are weddings which are mostly concentrated towards the last quarter of the year. 

Sometimes, I felt angry with my mother for not retorting when someone picked on me or my siblings. Well, she of course turned defensive about us but refrained from saying anything mean. As I grew up, I began to understand her standpoint, though I wouldn't ever follow this myself. If family loves us by default, shouldn't they accept our zits, and braces and decisions to eat pizza at midnight? Maybe some advice is reasonable but how are they of any value when all they do is upset and annoy you and not inspire you to change?