The Three Thousand Stooges

Manufacturing king China decides to double its production capacity by upgrading to a Two Child policy. And when it comes to production efficiency, no one comes close to the Chinese. So, the stock market reacts instantly. With a sudden drop in demand, share prices of male contraceptives plummet. Maybe China can look into the prospect of exporting these to Syria where there is a surge in the use of contraceptive bombs as slow-moving SAMs (surface to air missiles) against Russian supersonic Sukhoi fighter jets. Russia, you are screwed. 

So as not to be blamed for war profiteering, Chinese authorities quickly clarify that the new Two Child Policy will kick in from March 2016, NOT now. Oh boy! NOW you're telling! Ok people, simmer down…

But who is to be blamed for coming up with the idea of this novel SAM? Must be the Palestinians, at least according to Benjamin Netanyahu. After all, the Israeli Prime Minister blames the Palestinians for giving the idea of the Holocaust to Adolf Hitler, who otherwise would have deported the Jews. We can deduce from Bibi's Theory that it was the Palestinians who are responsible for the extinction of the dinosaur, for coming up with the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, for the depletion of the ozone layer, for the rise in sea levels and for the earthquake in Nepal. And from the depths of hell, Hitler sends a big thank you to Netanyahu for singlehandedly vindicating the Fuhrer and rehabilitating his stature. 

Hmmm. If the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem yielded so much influence over Hitler, the Allied Forces could have recruited him to convince Hitler to surrender.   

Amidst being busy with the blame game, Netanyahu hasn't yet heard of the World War II bomb found at Dusseldorf (Germany) Airport. Please hurry up and blame the Palestinians for encouraging Hitler to keep it there for World War III, otherwise, Muslims will be retroactively blamed.

It's called blame game, all for a reason, as it is indeed a game, not of chance, but of pure predictability where Moe predictably blames Curly from among the Three Stooges, no matter what. Therefore, whenever in Bangladesh there is an unusual death (something that is predictable), there is always the predictable mouths opening with predictable statements aimed at predictable people or entities. That is hardly a solace for the families whose loved ones are silenced forever, all in the name of some ideology. 

Wonder whether we can learn from Tony Blair. After 14 years, hundreds of thousands of deaths and trillions of dollars spent on war machines, he realises that the only WMD in Iraq is Waiting for Mass Destruction. He 'apologises'. Good. At this rate of assessing each theater of conflict, Britain will apologise to the Indian Sub-Continent for the Jallianwala Bagh tragedy in the year 4097. 

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: [email protected]