The Divided States of America

Hillary Clinton was plagued by emails and Donald Trump by females. But the latter is now well on his way to Make America Great Again, starting with ensuring that the age old tradition of the White House is maintained by not allowing two Presidents to reside in there – Hillary and Bill Clinton. 

The fierce battle for the White House is over. But like all conflicts, it has left many with PTSD – Post Trump Stress Disorder. Anticipating trouble, a convoy of trucks filled with sand act as barricades outside Trump Tower along Fifth Avenue in New York City. That's to keep out a mass of commoners from entering the building. Though many wished the trucks would keep the owner inside for four years. Very much possible – after all, it took just one sand truck to do the trick in front of Road 79, Gulshan-2. 

Then starts the massive protests. They could have talked to us – WE know the business of protesting. How about take a few pros from here to the US on P-1 (Protest) visas (valid till January 20, 2017)?

But protesting what? Wanting to Make America Sane Again? That the first Tuesday after the first Monday of November has turned America into the Divided States of America? Or that Trump may start a new slogan, "Make America Grab Again"? Or that he may Modi-fy the US financial system by abolishing the 100 dollar bills (notes)? Or maybe he will put a dent on Silicon Valley by abolishing Uber and introducing Grab Cab.

But it's too late. It is all the result of a democratic process echoing the voice of many. It's true that the mention of the complex Electoral College makes me nostalgic about the simplicity of my beloved Alma Mater, Dhaka College. But nevertheless, through a democratic process, America has spoken. The surprise is not that Trump has been elected, but that so many Americans, both Liberals and Conservatives, believe in the bigotry he has preached on the campaign trail, even if it were a mere 'sales' pitch.

Now let's see what he does.

First, the wall. The assumption is that it will start from the coast of California and on Trump's assumption that Mexicans can't swim. But the wall is likely to see a whole bunch of pole vault champions – Americans jumping over it to leave America. Speaking of pole vault, the border crossing point(s) can also be called Bena-pole. And who knows, to ease the congestion of the exodus (and two-way traffic), Bena-pole may also require a branch of Sonali Bank – with a tunnel of course.

What happens with Obama Care, the Iran Nuclear Deal, trade agreements with Europe, just to name a few? I just hope Trump Melania-ises some of the good work of his predecessors. How can we not hope? After all, President-elect Trump has been uncharacteristically gracious. Also, he is not without any precedence of going back on his word. But it is also not unlikely that he will, in the long run, likely to "stay angry, stay bullish" while Encyclopedia Trumpinnica keeps adding volumes. Heaven help us if that happens – and you thought October 31 was scary with Halloween? Brace yourself for a four year Halloween – Trick or Trump!

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com