Men’s apologies are not enough
According to the National Girl Child Advocacy Forum, 224 girls were raped in the first eight months of 2024. Of them, 81 were killed and 133 died by suicide. A study by Bangladesh University of Health Sciences further reveals that 88 percent of children had experienced physical abuse or sexual harassment at least once, with 55 percent enduring this repeatedly. These statistics don't just show numbers; they reflect shattered lives, stolen childhoods, and the devastating reality of sexual violence in Bangladesh.
Recently, social media has seen a surge in men posting apologies—apologetic for their gender, for the history of violence that men have perpetrated, and for the pain inflicted on women. On the surface, it might seem like progress—men acknowledging the wrongs done by others of their gender. But let us be honest: saying "sorry" is not going to cut it.
For all latest news, follow The Daily Star's Google News channel. 
An apology simply does not undo the damage that has been done. It does not change the fact that women continue to live in fear, constantly looking over their shoulders, wondering if they are next. It does not address the deep-seated issues that allow rape culture to thrive. It does not challenge the everyday sexism and misogyny that so many women face, and it certainly does not change the fact that, all too often, men stay silent in the face of these injustices. Moreover, the act of apologising for the actions of other men is not only insufficient but also risks trivialising the complexities of rape culture. By focusing on expressing regret rather than taking action, men risk absolving themselves of responsibility, allowing them to believe that they are doing their part without actually contributing to the solution. This passive approach, unfortunately, serves to perpetuate the very problems that these men claim to oppose.
When men choose to stay "neutral," thinking they are doing no harm because they are not actively participating in misogyny, they are missing the point. Silence, in this case, is not just passive—it is dangerous. It allows toxic attitudes to fester, unchecked. When a man hears a sexist joke or sees his friend treating women disrespectfully and says nothing, he is giving his tacit approval. This kind of neutrality actually protects those who perpetuate harm. It creates a space where harmful behaviours can flourish without challenge, making it easier for those attitudes to escalate into real-world violence. In this way, neutrality becomes complicity, and well-meaning men inadvertently shield potential perpetrators.
This complicity is further exacerbated by the normalisation of sexist and misogynistic behaviour. Rape culture is not just about the act of rape itself; it is about the social environment that normalises and excuses gender-based violence. It is the casual way we talk about women's bodies, the way media often downplays sexual assault, and the way society tends to blame victims rather than holding perpetrators accountable. Rape culture is everywhere, and it is maintained by all the small, seemingly insignificant actions and attitudes that, when left unchallenged, pave the way for much worse. These small actions—like the casual misogynistic jokes shared among friends or the objectifying comments in group chats—are often dismissed as harmless or insignificant. However, these behaviours lay the groundwork for more egregious acts of violence. When these actions go unchallenged, they reinforce the belief that it is acceptable to treat women as objects, to view them as less than fully human. So, by the time a rape occurs, it is often the culmination of many smaller, socially accepted behaviours that have gone unchecked.
So, it goes without saying that the silence of well-meaning men can be as harmful as the actions of those who perpetrate violence. By not challenging the harmful attitudes and behaviours they witness, they allow the culture of misogyny and entitlement to persist. The least men could do is time to move beyond the apologies and start taking real action. This means doing more than just posting on social media. It means calling out sexist behaviour when you see it, even if it is coming from your best friend. It means not just believing women when they tell their stories, but actively supporting them. It means educating yourself about the realities of sexual violence and understanding that it is not just about the "big" acts of violence but about all the little things that make those big acts possible.
If men are serious about dismantling rape culture, they must do more than apologise. They must take an active role in challenging the attitudes that perpetuate this culture. This means speaking up when a friend makes a sexist joke or objectifies a woman. It means refusing to stay silent when witnessing behaviour that degrades women. It means holding themselves and others accountable, even when it is uncomfortable to do so. When men hold each other accountable, they send a clear message that misogynistic behaviour will not be tolerated. This can create a ripple effect, encouraging others to do the same and slowly changing the culture in which such behaviour is normalised.
Education is another crucial aspect of this process and this cannot be superficial; it must go beyond the surface-level understanding of sexual violence and delve into the deeper, more systemic issues that contribute to it. Supporting survivors of sexual violence is also a critical component. All too often, victims are doubted, questioned, or blamed for the violence they have endured. This not only adds to their trauma but also reinforces the rape culture that allowed the violence to occur in the first place. By believing and supporting survivors, men can help to dismantle the victim-blaming narrative that is so prevalent in our societies. It is not enough to just feel bad for them; men need to work to change the systems that perpetuate their suffering.
Finally, men must be willing to reflect on their own behaviour and attitudes. None of us are immune to the influences of rape culture, and everyone has, at some point, internalised some aspects of it. Reflecting on one's actions and making a conscious effort to change any that may contribute to the problem is essential. This self-awareness is not easy, but it is necessary if we are to create a society in which sexual violence is no longer tolerated. It is not about feeling guilty or ashamed—it is about committing to being better, to actively work to create a world where women can feel safe and respected.
Posting an apology on Instagram is easy. But dismantling rape culture requires more than remorse because apologies are not enough. They never have been. It is high time men translate their concerns into actual action, helping dismantle the rape culture one conversation at a time.
Maisha Islam Monamee is a student of Institute of Business Administration (IBA) at the University of Dhaka and a contributor at The Daily Star. Find her @monameereads on Instagram.
Views expressed in this article are the author's own.
Follow The Daily Star Opinion on Facebook for the latest opinions, commentaries and analyses by experts and professionals. To contribute your article or letter to The Daily Star Opinion, see our guidelines for submission.
Comments