‘Capital-ists’ blockade entry points to stop Eid vacationers returning

As literally millions of people were coming back to the capital yesterday, a group of residents flocked to the city's entry points and set up blockades to stop so-called "district dwellers" from returning after Eid vacation.

Calling themselves "Capital-ists" and missing the irony, the angry mob of well-dressed men and women were seen taking selfies with their Iphones and shouting "go back to your districts!" as buses piled up at the capital's entrance points.

Visiting one such spot, this correspondent saw expensive cars lined up on the right wing – the side of the barricade that you'd rather be on. The correspondent was also very grateful because he had stayed rooted in the capital.

Experts say this has long been in the works as people who stayed behind in the capital during Eid vacations -- in other words those who had lavish enough homes and means in the capital to celebrate the festival -- have often been heard to say how much more peaceful the city became when half the people went back home before Eid.

The identity of the experts cannot be disclosed because there is a chance that they are this correspondent's friends.

On the right wing of the entry point, one Capital-ist activist said, "Have you seen the city these past few days? It was beautiful. I could actually reach Dhanmondi from Banani in 20 minutes. That's when I realised the problem.

"It's all these district dwellers. They live in the capital year round, but they don't care for it. They cause all the traffic jams, and make the city dirty. It's time. We have decided to take our capital back. Go back to your districts!" he shouted.

When asked what he does, the man said he was a garment factory owner.

"I contribute greatly to this country's economy. I deserve to have a clean and peaceful capital city. I will continue to be a great earner for my country when all my workers return from…" his voice trailed off and he went pale as he looked at all the people on the wrong side of the barricade.

A woman on the right wing said, "I was able to go to so many places this Eid, and I realised our capital can be so beautiful. Driving along the clean and congestion-free streets, I almost forgot the dishevelled state of my home. That Rokeya, let her come back from her village, I have quite the list of chores for her to do."

The chief of the Capital-ists then ascended to the podium and said, "I thank my fellow Capital-ists for taking this initiative. This Eid, I did not even feel like going abroad. It felt like my own capital, where I was born, was bidesh. I intend to keep it this way, and help our country become like bidesh all year round."