Politician wins Nobel in literature for artistically insulting opposition

A politician from Chapasthanhas won the Nobel Prize in literature in recognition for his artistic way of insulting opposition leaders during speeches. 

Chopetaghat Chandu, a presidium member of National Akromon Front (NAF), has been prominently featured in the news for many years now for being the most quotable politician going around. Despite being a minor member of a minor political party in a minor town of this minor country, he has now been given global recognition for his work.

In particular, a speech delivered from his party office's conference room in front of the press earlier this year caught the eye of the Nobel committee. He was asked to respond to allegations from a senior leader of National Rokkhon Front (NRF) that he has been involved in money laundering and extortion in the area. His response lives on in legend.

As is the tradition among local political circles, he who gets the most laughter from his response is immediately considered the winner in any debate, thus Chandu has been exonerated from all corruption scandals.

"If such lies from the cursed mouth of my opposition do not stop immediately, I will personally staple his mouth shut and pinch his nose, so the next round of verbal vomit he produces can come out of his ears," Chopetaghat Chandu said, to roars of laughter from the press.

As is the tradition among local political circles, he who gets the most laughter from his response is immediately considered the winner in any debate, thus Chandu has been exonerated from all corruption scandals. He is touted as a favourite to gain nomination and then election to the parliament in the national elections.

Other than the aforementioned comment, the Nobel committee cited some other moments of comedy and literary gold produced by the Great Chopet, as he is being called by his fans and followers.

One comment came during a rally with his party supporters when he was describing how dominant his party is over their rivals.

"An NRF leader once came to my office to discuss some sort of compromise to the crisis that was going on at that time. He told me that it was the duty of political leaders to put their ego aside and discuss solutions to problems instead of prolonging it. I was so touched by his sentiment that I finally came out of the toilet from where I was having that meeting, did the laces on my pajamas and told him, 'This is all the compromise you are getting today. Now do everything the way I tell you to or I will touch you with my unwashed hands.'"

Another story that is now the stuff of legend among locals is when Chopetaghat Chandu reacted to the story of a rival leader being sent to prison after being implicated in a bribery case. "Where else do you expect thieves to go? To the parliament?"

After news broke of his Nobel Prize win last night, Chopetaghat Chandu held a press conference at his residence.

"Here I am getting a Nobel Prize, but my opposition has not been given any prize. I feel sad for them on this auspicious day. Today, I want to bestow the leader of NRF with a prize of my own. To honour his lifelong commitment to lies and deceit, I want to make my rival the first ever winner of the Goebbels Prize. Congratulations!"