Facebook etiquette: Top university launches new course for young professionals

One of the country's most respected universities has launched a new course that the institution's authorities say will arm young professionals with the requisite tools to impress in their new jobs. 

The course, "Applied Oil Sciences", will be run by the business department of Top University of Chapasthan (TUC) from the next semester, according to a press release issued yesterday by the university.

"The demands of the workplace are constantly changing, and Applied Oil Sciences is a cutting-edge course that will help students stay abreast of the latest trends. The course will place special emphasis on social media (mostly Facebook) etiquette, namely how to interact with superiors and gain their attention.

"This press release writer should mention that this course would not have been possible without the guidance of Vice-chancellor Amak A Teldao, and his vision. When visibility is only 300 feet, he can see the moon at noon," the press release said.

A source, close to another source who stood outside the door when the TUC VC held the meeting regarding the new course, said, "It is important for bosses to feel that they are needed. That they are wanted and loved. A lot of the young professionals do not get this and instead make snarky remarks when their co-workers praise their bosses.

"They don't understand how much pressure bosses endure on a daily basis. The top of the mountain is a lonely place. Bosses are tired of throwing others off cliffs and cutting the ropes of those trying to climb up. Metaphorically speaking, of course. That is why when bosses see that those on the slopes below love them and sing songs about their wisdom and guidance, it makes the guilt easier to bear."

A key component of the course, it was learnt, will be responding to Facebook statuses of superiors.

According to the outline, the course will include: strategies to respond to the boss's statuses as fast as possible; the appropriate reactions to any status or comment from the boss and, most importantly, how to thank the boss for every and any event in employees' lives -- promotions, marriages, births, deaths, etc. -- without making it seem like unnecessary flattery.

"Flattery has its place of course. This is an example of how the landscape is always changing. Bosses now also like to see that their employees are making the effort to flatter them," the source said. 

The course has already garnered a lot of interest among young professionals, with all seats rumoured to be filled up within a day of announcement of the course.

"We used to think that we should be grateful to ourselves and the hard work we do for getting to where we are in our professional lives," said Ahmed Yakib, who enrolled for the course. "But I realise now that every professional achievement of mine was because of my boss."

With enrolment reported to be almost full, TUC will host an FB event, "Telapalooza", to choose five lucky candidates who will get the last seats. The live video will be hosted by the head of the business department, and the five best comments will be picked. The head of the business department will then copy the most pleasing of the five comments and paste it below VC Teldao's latest status.